I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore

62: 2 years🕊❤️

a/n: it's really been two fucking years since x passed away. i'm at a loss for words. i don't know how to feel. this all feels like a dream. i love you jahseh. llj always and forever.

shakira's p.o.v

"hello?" i answered, calmly. "hello? shakira?" i heard him say quietly.

i haven't heard his voice in a long time.

"yeah?" i replied. i looked at ayleks and she gave me a small smile. "i'm sorry." he said as his voice cracked.

i told myself to calm down but i couldn't. "no you're not." i said, straight up.

"i really am." he responded, quietly. "no you're not, x, because if you really were, you wouldn't have hurt me like this."

"x? wow. i really am sorry, shakira. i want to talk it out with you, please. i have to explain to you. it's the least i can do. please bab- shakira." he said.

"okay but don't think that this means anything. i just need an explanation." i said.

"okay, i'll be there soon." he said quietly and then ended the call.

i tried not to cry. "i'm so proud of you, kira. that took a lot for you to answer the call. come here." ayleks said and then hugged me.

i laid down on the sofa and held my stomach. i looked down at my stomach which made me feel worse.

i don't want our baby to not have their father in their life.

i heard the doorbell ring and opened the door to x standing there. i examined him. he looked like a mess. "come in." i whispered.

i sat on the sofa and he sat close to me. i scooted away from him and he looked down at the floor.

"so." we both said in unison. "go ahead." we both said at the same time again.

"go." i said with my eyes wide. "i'm so sorry shakira. you're so amazing and you're the love of my life. i've never loved someone as much as i love you. you've changed me into a better person. i never thought i was able to love again because of my past but you changed that. i swear to god that i have nothing to do with geneva. she just came up to me and kissed me because she was jealous of seeing you with me. i would never hurt you like that and i'm so sorry. i would never go back to her. i love you so much kira and i want everything to go back to normal please. i want to be together and get married and start a family together." he said and then touched my stomach.

i flinched from his touch and he looked up at me with tears running down his face.

"are you sure that you have nothing to do with other girls?" i asked him. "i was with other girls today because i wasn't feeling like myself but i swear it meant nothing to me. i was drunk and feening for love but i didn't feel anything. those bitches mean nothing to me. i promise i'll work this out. i want it to be me, you, and our future family." he said, looking down at his shaking leg.

"i forgive you." i said but got cut off by him hugging me.

"i didn't finish. i'm not jumping straight into a relationship with you again. i need some time because i don't want this to happen again, please." i continued.

"that's better than losing you. thank you so much kira. i love you so much." "we're still engaged even though we took a break, right?" he asked me. "i still have the ring on so i guess so." i said.

"i don't care. i love you kira and i always will." he said and then hugged me.

"i'm sorry i can't say it back yet." i said, turning the other way so he won't be able to see my eyes water.

"it's okay. i promise you that we'll work this out. i want you and only you forever, okay?" he said which made me cry.

he turned me around and just held me while i cried on his shoulder.

"i'm so sorry." he said and then kissed my head as i sobbed.

a/n: i cried while writing this. i'm sorry i wasn't in the mood to update today. long live jahseh <3 i love you always and forever. i haven't felt like myself in a long time and i might take a short break and if i'm not back, take care of yourselves. i love you all.

TBC... maybe
768 words...