Non-Stop Pain

The pain is unbearable sometimes. I hate it. Most times I can manage it. Several tricks up my sleeve. Medications. Prescribed and OTC. Pillows, cervical brace, numbing spray, and more. Meditation, you name it. Yet, there are days when I cry because nothing touches the pain. No matter what I do, it won't subside. It won't relent. It refuses to give me a break and let me have even a moment of peace. When I say peace, I don't mean a moment without pain. I mean a moment with less pain. A moment where the pain is not all-consuming.

This is my life with arthritis. Especially in my neck. I'm not even fifty years old. Yet, I have been told I have the neck and back of an eighty-year-old woman. The doctors don't know why.

It has taken over my life. It now governs my short-term and long-term goals and plans. I'm scared to go back to work because I don't know if I can sit at a desk and work for 8 hours anymore. Actually, I know I cannot. It's impossible. I'm positive this is disrupting my sleep. The pain. The medicines. The inability to have normalcy. Right now I am on everything possible to numb the pain. I'm wearing a cervical brace. I've already meditated today. I've done everything.

I'm writing at the moment to distract myself because laying down any further makes it worse. This is my life. Attempting to appreciate and experience the positives through the wall of pain around the clock.

Take care of your body and treat it well. You never know when it will begin to betray you. Much earlier than I expected.