Hi... My name is Elisabeth, I'm 17 almost 18 and I've had a pretty fucked up life tbh. When was young I would see the world as a happy place, as a kid you didn't have to worry about drugs, bad people, sex, voting, adult stuff. Now that I'm turning 18 soon, I've realized how fucked up life really is. The constant fear of being an adult, the money problems, the bills, the heart breaks, everything. But here I am, ever since I had my first heart break, I've noticed the little hole I've fallen into, It's a deep one i have to say, but hey here I am, still alive. Now i know you probably get this a lot but I know how it goes. You're sick of people telling you that they feel the same when you try to tell them what's wrong. But they don't really care, no one does, no one understands what you're actually going though, the might say oh same i know what you're going through but they don't they really don't and it hurts even more when you hear those words coming out of that mouth, oh I feel the same, those words that people say really hurt. They make you think that no one if there for you and that when you actually need someone no one will be there. You're that type of friend that is there for everyone else but the moment you need someone everyone's hiding behind a screen. I'm on the phone right now with someone who I thought would be there for me through thick and thin, through death and back. But he told me the same words "OH I get it, I know what you're going through, I'm feeling the same" No one is actually thinking the same as you, no one knows what's going through your head. I do... Would life be better without me? What would happen if I left? Just ended it all? Just gave up? To be totally honest, ending your life seems so easy in these times, but it's not the way to go. How close are you to your family? Close? Not that close? Really think about it, your family is one thing that would hurt the most if you left. Not your friends, I mean you probs have that one best friend that you would die with, but your family, you grew up with them, your mother berthed you, you learned how to walk with them, how to speak. You were brought into this world for a reason, and you may have no found it but you will, and i won't just be something that pops up in your life, like a friend, it could be anything really. But that's the reason you were brought into this life, and even if you don't believe in that god mojo, I don't either, But what I have noticed, I have tried to take my life 7 times, and each time I have lived, so I've noticed that God wants me to stay, to find my purpose in life and I know I haven't found it yet, but someday it'll come... It may not be soon but it'll come, and same goes for you, if you leave this world you'll never get to experience the life you have dreamed of since a kid, as kids our parents told us we could be anything when we grow up and we thought about that for the longest time, the fact most of us had the dream of becoming something crazy like the president, or an astronaut, or a princess. But not we've realized that can't happen, and now that we know we think that's there's nothing to live for. But there is, when you grow up you get to buy your own house, maybe get married to anyone you want, feel the love, watch your kids run around the house when you tell them the same thing " you can be anything when you grow up" But now that you've thought about it you realize that if you leave this world that will never happen. And that if you leave people will miss you, it may not seem like it now but god knows that people will miss you, people will show up at your funeral with tears in their eyes, looking into your casket and seeing your body laying there motionless, if you leave you'll watch your parents burry your body in a box that actually doesn't withstand the dirt and ends up opening in 100 years and there's bugs crawling over your bones, now you don't want that. So if you don't live your life now you'll be stuck in a box. dead. But hey, what do I know, I'm just like everyone else, telling you not to do it, but I'm telling the truth. If you leave then you'll never ever be able to experience the life you dreamed of as a kid. Now I don't know you, but I can feel the pain, I have that feeling too, the feeling of numbness throughout your body, the constant fake smile that you put on outside of your room, the staying in bed because you don't have the effort to put back on that fake smile. I get it. That voice telling you that you can leave, that life would be better, that feeling you get when you hold the bottle of pills in your hands, that feeling that you get when you know that if you just took just enough you might be able to leave, or maybe you get that feeling that you'll go into a coma and see how many people actually care for you and see their faces when they see you in the hospital bed, laying there waiting for you to wake up. But you don't want to, I get that. You wonder how it would feel to die and come back, I've felt that, and it's a weird feeling, the feeling of yourself being brought up into light and happiness, and then being dropped back to your bed and waking up wishing that you could just go back and finish going up. That's the sign, that's the reason you're still here, the falling through the sky waking back up. You feel it. But you can't you have to keep moving. I have a quote I live by, "Ah yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it" Know where that's from? The lion King. Try to find something that'll give you hope for that day that you'll feel happy or maybe a real smile will come through.
"It's why you can't let the threat of losing tomorrow keep you from making the most of today"- From the flash.
I get it, you're done being told that someone else feels the same but they don't, I get that you're done being told that you'll make it through whatever is going on, you're done with the fake smiles, the masks you put on when you leave the safety of your room. It's all the game of life. It's how it goes, but you'll make it, you've made it this far, however old you are. You've made it. Keep that in mind. You're not alone, I promise. One day you won't have to put on that mask, one day you'll feel the real smile, but just keep moving.
