I turned off the shower after taking a bath, grabbed my towel to dry my hair. Nakaharap ako sa malaking salamin habang paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa aking isipan ang nangyari kanina.
The way Felix kissed me.
Alam kong sa pisngi niya lang ako hinalikan pero hindi ko pa rin 'yon inaasahan. I shook my head upang tumigil na isip ko kaka-alala. I sighed deeply. Why the hell did that even happened?
Lumabas na ako ng banyo at tsaka nag-bihis. I grabbed my phone at chineck kung may messages ba. So far, wala naman. Lumabas ako ng kwarto at pumuntang sala. Nadatnan ko si Mama na nanonood ng pelikula.
"Migs, may pinadala nga pala para sayo" bukambibig niya ng mapansin ako.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Check the fridge" sagot niya.
Napakunot-noo naman ako at pumuntang kusina. Binuksan ko ang refrigerator at nakita doon ang bento cake.
"Kanino po 'to galing?" nilakasan ko ang boses ko upang marinig ni Mama.
"Hindi ko alam. Pina-deliver lang 'yan eh" sagot niya.
I have no idea who this came from. I just ignored it because the cake looked so good. Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras at binuksan 'yun.
Andito na ako sa university at mag-isa lang ako ngayon. Maaga akong umalis at hindi na ako sumabay kay Felix. I went straight to the classroom at buti nalang wala pa yung prof namin. I sat on my chair at napapikit nalang. I felt the air coming from the outside through the window nang tumunog yung phone ko.
It was Felix. He messaged me.
Felix:
Where are you? I went to your house pero sabi ni mama nauna ka na daw.
Napabuntong-hininga ako at hindi siya sinagot. As much as I want to reply, I can't. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba 'tong ginagawa ko. It feels like ang bilis ng pangyayari. Pero wala akong magawa. I need to do this.
Nagsi-balikan ang iba sa kanilang mga upuan nang pumasok si prof. Inayos ko naman ang upo ko at hinanda ang sarili sa klase.
Hours later and our class was done. Andito ako sa cafeteria and as usual, I'm alone. Hindi ko nakita si Felix simula kanina kaya it's a good thing for me. I really hope what I'm doing is worth it. I checked my phone at nakitang naka-ilang message na siya sa akin.
Felix:
Nasan ka? Hindi kita nakita dito sa uni.
Pumasok ka ba?
Migs, reply ka naman. Don't ignore me.
Ni isa ay wala akong ni-replyan. I'm starting to get guilty pero ginagawa ko din naman 'to para sa kanya. I saw Ivan out of nowhere at nag-tama ang aming mga tingin. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Lumapit siya sakin at umupo kaharap ko.
"You're alone. That's unusual" bukambibig niya.
"Yeah. Just want to try something new" I lied.
"Why? You guys okay?"
Tipid akong napangiti sa kanya. "Yeah. Of course. Hindi ko lang siya nakita ngayon kaya hindi ko siya kasama"
Marahan siyang napatango-tango sa sinabi ko. "Do you want me to accompany you? Wala naman akong masyadong gagawin today"
"Hindi na. Baka ma-abala pa kita"
"No, it's okay. Tsaka may sasabihin din ako sayo" his mood got serious.
"Seryoso mo naman ata. Kinakabahan tuloy ako"
He chuckled. "Don't be. Hindi naman big deal yung sasabihin ko. I just think that I need to let this out"
"Okay. Pambawi ko na rin 'to sayo nung nag-daang linggo"
"You don't need to. Tsaka ang tagal na nun"
"But I felt bad. I gave you a word tapos di ko pinanindigan. I know you were disappointed in me that time"
"I'm not. Ikaw lang nagsabi niyan"
"Kahit di mo pa sabihin. I can see it in your face"
"You really care so much on what other's feel" sabi nito.
"As much as I don't want to, I can't help it"
He slightly shook his head. Napansin ko naman si Felix sa di kalayuan habang naglalakad ito at tila may hinahanap.
Fuck.
"Ivan, banyo lang ako saglit" sabi ko sa kanya at dali-daling tumayo.
Agad akong tumakbo patungong banyo at nagtago sa isang cubicle. Malalim akong bumuntong-hininga at umupo sa inidoro. My phone buzzed and saw Felix's message.
Felix:
Where are you? I just talked to Ivan.
Napapikit ako dahil sa paniguradong bistado na ako. Hindi ko pa siya kayang harapin sa ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung Paano ko ipapaliwanag sa kanya kung bakit ko 'to ginagawa. My phone buzzed again as he messaged.
Felix:
Nagpa-check up ka daw? What happened? I'm worried.
Malalim akong napabuntong-hininga dahil sa akala ko'y katapusan ko na. Didn't expect Ivan to cover me up. Hindi siguro kapani-paniwala yung mga sinabi ko sa kanya kanina kaya nahalata niyang iniiwasan ko si Felix. A minute later, I heard a knock on my cubicle door.
"Don't worry. It's me, Ivan" bukambibig niya mula sa labas.
It's already 5:30 in the afternoon at kasalukuyan kaming naglalakad ni Ivan sa malawak na campus.
"Thank you nga pala for not telling him kanina" bukambibig ko.
"No worries. I noticed you were acting kinda strange earlier, and I don't know kung anong nangyari sa inyo ni Felix but he's really worried"
"He is?" I asked curiously.
He nodded. "Kanina ka pa niya hinahanap and you're not answering his messages"
Malalim akong napabuntong-hininga. Nako-konsensya na ako sa ginagawa ko.
"Hindi ko naman talaga siya gustong iwasan"
"Why don't you guys talk? Sort things out kung ano mang meron sa inyo"
"I can't. Not right now" sagot ko.
Hindi naman siya nagtanong pa at mukhang ayaw niya ng mamilit. Natigilan ako sa aking paglalakad nang hawakan niya ang aking pulsuhan.
I turned at him and he's looking at me seriously. "Do you need anything?"
"I like you" he directly said.
Nagulat ako sa aking narinig. Hindi ko inaasahan na mangga-galing sa kanya ang mga salitang 'yon. I don't know how to react. No one ever confessed to me their feelings before.
"What?"
"Alam mo na kung anong ibig sabihin nun. I like you since the day we met. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sayo at nagustuhan kita" he confessed.
I'm too stunned. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. My mind is still processing at nanatili pa ring nakahawak ang kamay niya sakin.
"I'm telling you this not to confuse you or anything. I'm telling you this because it's important for me too. I just need to let this out, for my peace of mind" he said and genuinely smiled. "Sana hindi ka mailang sakin after this. Let's stay friends" he sighed in relief at nauna ng naglakad.
Naiwan akong nakatayo habang tulala. He just confessed to me and I didn't even utter a single word.
Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa aking mga narinig. Paano nagka-gusto si Ivan sa taong tulad ko?
To be continued.
BINABASA MO ANG
FALLING
RomanceMiguel and Felix, the best of friends who share everything from laughter to dreams. Yet, in the midst of their everyday moments, Miguel realizes his feelings are shifting. As they continue to spend time together, a sweet and unspoken evolution takes...
