Why me?

What am I going to tell the family?

What am I going to tell all of the dingles?

I am Cain Dingle just recently turned 40 I have Parkinson's disease and have 5 years left to life.

It's my sister I'm most worried about.

My sister 'Chas' a few years ago lost her Sister I don't know how she'll cope with her brother going as well.I was there when she found out Gennie had died I could see her heart was broken.I know it was a different circumstance we lost Gennie in but we are the only siblings she's got.We grew up together and we grew a lot closer than most brother and sisters because we were left to fend for ourselves most of the time what with Shadrach going of on benders and drinking heavily.We have been through so much together to but every time we got through it it made us stronger.Like when Aaron was born when Chas was 15 I was the only one there to support her.I know 15 is a young age to have a child but who am I to talk what with me and Charity having debs at 13.

Talking about Aaron he will miss me a lot for some strange reason he looks up to me.I don't understand it most of the time Chas always wanted Aaron to care about his family but me as a role model has he gone mad. Cain Dingle hardman always getting himself arrested.But he's stood by me through thick and thin like when Zak attacked me he was the only one fighting my corner when everyone else thought I was worthless junk.

I don't know what debs will tell the kids Jack will be 7 so he'll be to young to understand but Sarah will she'll be 14. I can never forget the day I found out about her when Zak came in with her in his arms and told me I was her grandad.It was extremely tough for us all when she had fanconi anemia but we all had to stay strong for debbie she was under so much stress what with Jack and then she had the Cameron affair to deal with with straight after jack was born but he's where he belongs now in hell.

I struggle to think about how I am going to leave Moira she is the love of my life I was nothing until I met her.People might say it was a bit stupid of me having the affair with her behind Johns back but it was the only way to get to her.We have been through so much together and come out the other side.Charity might have wanted to split us up but I'm never leaving moira's side I'll just have to deal with it when she comes back from prison.

There will be one part of me that will miss Charity and noah for that matter. They were a huge part of my life at one point but they are my past and Moira's my future,I find it so hard to say future knowing I've only got a few years left.I might have thought about going back to her the moment I found out she still had feelings for me it made me think about how much I loved moira mine and charity's relationship was only based on crime.

This deadly disease has made me think that after I've told the dingles about it I want to get to know Kyle my son.I don't know what I was thinking of when I decided not to egnolage him he's my flesh and blood how could I do that to him.Hopefully then I can get full custody of him.Why are they going to stop me applying for custody Im in a stable relationship and someone he can know as his mum and brother and a sister. And when them five years are gone I can know he's got a stable family what with a mum, brother,sister,aunties,uncles,nieces and nephews as well as a grandad and cousins.And when he grows up they can tell him all about his dad and how brave he was fighting Parkinson's disease!