START OVER, a life twisted

CHAPTER 1

They are here, the two notes on the computer to look for the king on the internet: "how to survive in American colleges."

Well, that long awaited but also much feared day is approaching.

Maybe it's better if you introduce me and explain a few things.

I'm Ellen, a simple 17 year old Italian girl who lives in a small village near Milano. I live with my dear mother and with peggy my beautiful dog.

I am a very shy girl with a bad temper perhaps from a bad childhood.

My parents separated 3 years ago, my father now lives in Australia, I feel little because of the time zone but I always like to hear his voice that makes me feel good every time. I suffered a lot from this separation, I am very close to my parents and I have always had a beautiful relationship with both but since my father has left something has changed, the relationship with my mother is no longer the same, however we say that I am fine anyway .

I attend the 4th scientific high school, study in a private high school. I am doing well in school, I have pretty good marks, even if I don't like studying very much. At school I don't have many friends, I've always been bullied, made fun of and avoided by everyone. The people in the corridors scream at me that I'm ugly, that I dress badly, that nobody wants me and that I should die. By now I got used to it, however every time I hear these phrases I always feel a little bad. Many times I asked myself why, why of these phrases that tell me, many times I tried to dress like the others but nothing changed, I tried to make up but nothing. Fortunately, I have 3 friends, 3 best friends, we specify that they love me, no matter how I dress or how I make up, they accept me as I am. They are : Angelica, Valeria and Luca. I have a great time with them and when I leave they will be the people I miss the most.

You may have wondered why I am leaving in America. My mother has a large company with various locations around the world. So many times he has given up moving from Italy to make me finish school here but this time he cannot give up. We will start in mid-July so as to get used to a little 'to American life and have the kids there. In late August then I will start college, I still don't believe that I will start college, an American college !!

I am so afraid, but also a great desire to go away from school that I attend, I am contended not to see those fucking faces that make fun of me anymore. Sorry for the word but only in this way can they be defined. I am so afraid, afraid that they will not understand me, even if I am very prepared because I know English very well, I am afraid that they will still bully me , in fact to avoid this I have decided that when I am I will change my lifestyle.

I will change my way of dressing, I will make up a little, I will fix my hair a little, let's say I want to change my style but without changing my personality.The biggest fear perhaps is that of not being able to make friends, fear of finding myself in a dormitory with strange girls who are only interested in partying and having fun. Of course, college is made for that too, but I would like to focus more on studying and if I am surrounded by people with this same thought of mine, it will work out for the best!

My birthday is coming soon, I can't wait! I am 18 years old! I still don't know how I will celebrate but I think I will do the usual party at home with my 3 best friends, with mom and my dog .

It's sad I know, but no, I have friends, even if I decide to have a big party, by inviting the whole school, no one would come, after all, thinking about it since I attend high school, I have never been invited to a birthday. I don't know why sincerely, in the end I am a normal girl, I have no diseases and nothing, I can't understand why there is this refusal by my peers.

Finally tomorrow is the last day of school, the last day of school here in Italy, the last day that I will have to endure those insults and then I will be free.