𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘 ━━ 𝐃𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍 ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

── IN LOVING MEMORY

Tuesday, March 22, 1966 (About eleven weeks into her pregnancy)

☆ﾐ ROSE

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

   I HATE WHEN people ask if you're fine after someone's death what in the world makes them believe I would be fine after I've been left orphaned at 16 including being pregnant. I still hadn't believed my father's death and simply was emotionless. I didn't cry nor think anymore about it. I was just exhausted. I spent my days alone in bed never caring to get up and eat and only did so because of the twins who had begun to give me some cravings.

Hazel was not taking the death of our Father well which was completely understandable. She was constantly crying or even some days fully breaking down while we ate as for me I didn't do that. As I said, I was numb to the extent where not one tear poured out of my eyes. The gang tried talking with me every one of them except Dal who I guess was too uncomfortable to do so. Darry helped with food and called to check up on us they were doing more than my so what called ' family members' were doing. They don't seem to care they were only here because they had to be. I hadn't spoken that much to my other relatives so now I didn't mind that they didn't try talking to me.

This all didn't make sense. One minute he was here on this Earth but then the next minute he was lifeless on the sofa. Every time I walked past the sofa, I got almost emotional I couldn't get the image of my father calmly laying there with his eyes shut. He had died in a peaceful manner which quite comforted me a bit. I know my father had done awful things to me and my sister but I could not think of how he would be if he would have come to be sober. Would he be the same man as he had been when my mother was alive? Deep inside I knew no matter how much I didn't want it to be true I knew that I hadn't entirely forgiven him. I feel utterly guilty but it was the truth a haunting truth.

Today was his funeral, and I don't know I will manage to listen to my aunt Jennifer read his epilogue. My aunt Jennifer was the only family member who wholeheartedly cared deeply about my sister and me. After some discussion between my family, they had decided on Jennifer to come to stay with us with her daughter Mary who was the same age as I was. I wasn't too fond of the idea, but Mary was my closest cousin and was an incredible girl.

I adjusted my dress as I stared at myself in the mirror preparing myself for this funeral.
My stomach was growing at a great rate, and I made sure that my extra judgy and nosy family would not be able to see the bump which I did so by putting in a long black coat around my black dress. It would be a little hard to cover it completely since I had grown a habit to touch my baby bump so I was hoping they wouldn't think further into it. I knew that I would have to tell my aunt Jennifer sooner or later since she was going to be living with me but that was the least from my problems at this time.