Klance One - Shots || DISCONTINUED

UPDATE

PLEASE READ - If you don't want to read why I've been so distant, please just read to the end where you see bold again on what changes are going to be made for this book. 

So, I want to be brutally honest with you guys and you deserve the truth.

I've been getting really depressed because of isolation, I am an extroverted person. I love being physically near people. That's my way of showing love. I love to hug people and I love to cuddle. That's how I show my friends and family that I love them. Not being able hug my godmother or my niece and nephews, it's mentally taking a toll on me because it's my first reaction when seeing family for the first time in months after moving back home, I want to hug and cuddle my family so much and  hurts so much. I'm just having trouble having to redirect my love to a different form and I'm finding it difficult to transfer to that different form. I still don't know how to transition into a different form of affection to show the people I care about that I love them.

I learned more about my mom and dad before I was born, I now know why I'm called a miracle child. My mom had me at 43, she was a high risk pregnancy and her doctor had told me that I had a high chance that I was going to be born with a disability because she was so high risk. But not only that her doctor told her that she should just have an abortion. When my momma told me that, she broke down crying and I started crying because I am her only biological child. She told me her story of why she decided to have biological children so late, and I cried.

Then she told me that six weeks before she got pregnant with me, she had a miscarriage and that shook me because I've been having dreams of a boy around my age and my parents together the past few nights. My parents never knew the gender, but I know for sure that he is my brother. He looks like my dad and I know he never had a chance to be with my parents but I'm grateful for the life I have now. Knowing this information really overwhelmed me and I've never really understood why my family treated me the way they did when I was younger until now.

My mom made a choice to have me because she wanted a child of her own blood so badly, and she always tells me that she's so proud of me. I thought it was my actions that made her proud, but she was so proud I grew up healthy with no complications unlike on both sides of my family. They both have bad health issues on each side, and now I look at my life differently. I shouldn't take it for granted.

I think of the dreams of his way trying to communicate with me, because every time I would walk up to my parents he'd look at me with a huge smile and nod at me. My parents are so strong, and I think he's just making sure that they're okay and that they're happy. I may have not met him, and that he left this world so early in his life but he will always be my brother.

I've been trying to absorb all this information all at once and doing school work as well, but I just wanted you guys to know that I'm not mentally okay right now. I get anxiety attacks, I get panic attacks, and I don't know how to overcome those just yet. I just know that I like to be under blankets and be in my safe space.

THE CHANGES THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN:

- I am going stop numbering the chapters, it gives me anxiety because I feel like I should be giving you guys more. I barely write because the numbers get to me and then I get writers block that takes forever to get out of.

- I want my one shots to have some seriousness to them. I want them to be more realistic yet fictional at the same time (if that makes sense).

- I will edit the heck out of the one shot before posting, I am so behind on editing and it bothers me. I promise you guys that they should be edited before I post (I really should be doing that anyways).

- There are one shots I'm going to delete and you'll not see them ever again (I am not telling you which ones). Some I'm going to rewrite completely because I've grown as a writer.

I am not proud of my work right now and that goes for both of my larger viewed books that I have published.

I've done a lot of researching on various topics and eager to start writing again.

So I'll be back soon!