How Do We Live?

Chapter 6: Origin

Warning: Sensitive content ahead.

"Say mister foreperson; the defendant, Red Berett Ignacio, guilty or not guilty."

"Not guilty."

My world literally collapsed in front of me when I heard the juries' decision. All of them, agreed on the decision and I can almost see pitch black.

"Not guilty."

"Sexual Assault and Second Degree Murder—"

And I couldn't comprehend anything that is happening already. I can feel the cold ground hit my lower extremities when I lost my equilibrium, draining the soul out of me. My heart couldn't even feel anything. It was loud in the room when the bailiff asks for the verdict of the jury. But every heartbeat that I had makes me deafer to the sound of everything. It's painful... heart shattering.

"Hindi! Attorney please! Don't do this! Judge! He's a rapist! He raped my daughter! Sapat ang ebidensya naming! Ung mga pulis! Nasaan sila? I want them to stand as a witness!" Her image in front of me breaks me more as I cry in silent. My heart is in pieces and my mind is loathing for that name.

On the side of my eyes, blurry by the tears, her mother is smiling and holding him. I couldn't believe it's happening in front of my eyes.

"Ma... M-Ma... Bakit?" My voice is hoarse and pained. My whole head is spinning. My delusion is making me see things I don't want to put my grudge on. Pagod na pagod na ako... but this? This is making me dead inside.

Red is hugging is mother, crying on her shoulders like a kid. I couldn't believe it. My mom keeps on shouting things as some of them tried to calm her. I keep quiet, I couldn't even move any parts of me. I feel like a bloodless person. My heart is aching but my body is dysfunctional. I couldn't see anything clear other than the tears on my eyes and the judge standing on the center front of this room.

The judge... he nodded at Red's father before exiting the court. I felt cold... dead cold to the bones as I can feel my mother whip beside me.  My father is on the side of her silently crying.

I feel numb, lost in the void of my faith.

Am I hallucinating or did they just used their money to win this case?

Did they just bend the law on their own hands to refrain their sons from rotting in jail?

The judge? The jury? Are they manipulated by the Ignacio's?

They will burn in the depths of hell.

"Red, I thought we are going to... um... study?" I ask in a low voice laced with fear on me. He looks at me with his devilish smug face and I felt my heart skip a beat.

Hindi ko 'rin alam kung bakit nga ba ako nandito sa bahay, kwarto? ni Red. He's a typical bad boy and a trouble maker... at ako? I'm just a mere silent student who study quietly. Hindi ko 'rin alam kung paano ko siya naging boyfriend. Everything went so fast and escalating. The next thing I know, I already said yes to his surprised proposal in front of the student lobby.

Half because I'm attracted to him, half is because of the pressure given by the students watching that time.

And I couldn't blame anyone dahil um-oo ako. That's my decision alone. Even if my friends doesn't like it, Arya is rebelling in a silent way and Nica's been murderous with me whenever malalaman niya na I'm with Red.

Red is nice... sometimes? He's good when his in a good mood. He never really hurt me physically but sometimes his misleading words could offend more than he would ever know.

Gaya ngayon... I know something is wrong because he never... in our months of relationship told me about their house nor invited me to meet his parents.

At ididiretso ako sa kwarto niya when we can study on their huge manor or in their sala.

I'm quiet... not naïve and stupid.

"I told you, Monique. My parents are out of town." Para akong nilukuban ng takot ng maramdaman ko siya sa aking likod. His hands crawl into my shoulders and it doesn't feel good. His hands are white clean not even tainted with works... no callous, not even a little scar. He seems so ignorant for a guy...

"Where just alone in my room... No one will tell my parents that you've been here." I can feel my shivers went down on my spine because of his whisper... it's not enticing... it's morbid and scary.

He sounded like danger on my ears, ready to devour me.

Hinigpitan ko ang kapit sa file organizer ko at ang sling ng shoulder bag ko. His scent is nothing attractive pero mas lalo lamang ipinapamukha sa akin noon na he's too close.

I'm eighteen and I've seen things like this in my cliché books and r-18 movies. I'm untouched and pure but not innocent.

Lumayo ako ng konti sa kanya but he immedialy claw his hands over my small waist and I almost pale out when I see a devil's smirk on his face.

This is not good. I need to get out of here.

"I told you were going to study, Red. I'm going home." Pinal na sagot ko sa kanya as his face changes its form from the arrogant one to a more brutal one. Iyong ginagamit niya kapag galit siya sa akin or I pissed him off...

Like I said Red is good to me... sometimes...

"What the fuck, Monique?!" Halos mapatalon ako dahil sa biglaan niyang pagsigaw. His range is clear from where I was standing. Ang gigil sa mga itim niyang mata ang mas lalong nagpabilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

"Red... please... I'm not ready for this—"

"Ni hindi pa nga kita nahahalikan ng sobra! We didn't even make out yet. Ano puro smack lang? C'mon, Monique! Huwag ka ng pa-virgin." I can almost feel my ears vibrate on how stray his words are.

I'm not! I'm not comfortable being hold by him! I don't like how violent and lustful his touches are.