Ryder Meyers is like a porcelain doll. Lifeless, and made of glass that could shatter with a snap of a finger. Sitting on the shelf, collecting dust, and waiting for someone to pick him up, and show him admiration, to brighten up his world of black...
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"But she'd be fine pretending things were alright, even while its ending keep it inside. She can feel them bending, all their love is pending so what is she defending?" —Alec Benjamin
A P R I L
I rushed after Ryder, my feet carrying my body toward him without a second thought. I knew that telling Ryder was going to make him feel uneasy and panicked, but I didn't expect a panic attack.
I pursed my lips, and I pushed the door open, rushing after the boy in the brown leather jacket. I watched as he stumbled to a random tree, scrambling to find some oxygen, his chest rose and fell in panic, I ran to him, and just before he collapsed to the ground, he tore off the brown leather jacket and tossed it to my feet.
Guilt pulled at my heart as I watched him crumble down to the grass below him, his chest moving erratically.
I picked up the leather jacket, and I approached Ryder, my own heart beating rapidly in my chest.
"Ryder," I spoke, but he ignored me. His orbs were wide with panic, confusion, fear. I felt helpless as I looked at him, I never realized how hard Ryder took the impact. The impact of killing someone with their own hands.
I felt tears well in my eyes as I watched him, I was desperate to do something. My brain wracking for information on how to stop a panic attack. I researched it back in middle school for a health project, but I never thought I'd face one in my whole life.
"Ryder," I spoke again. I gently grabbed his face, forcing him to look at me. "Look at me," once he looked at me, I instructed him slowly. "Take deep breathes, listen to my voice, listen to the birds around us. You're fine, you're okay. Take deep breaths."
He did what I told him, and I watched as he took deep breaths, his chest matching the rhythm to the oxygen flowing in and out of his lungs.
After multiple deep breaths, he stopped, his eyes now calm — still slightly nervous, but calm. His fingers stopped trembling, and his legs were now stable.
His eyes shined brightly, and I felt my heartbreak when I saw them become clouded with tears. I frowned, and without a second thought, I moved my arms to wrap around his neck, and I brought his face into the crook of my shoulder. My arms wrapped around his large frame, the embrace seemed sudden, and it made me feel shocked and nervous. I didn't even need to give this a second thought, it was almost as if I did on instinct.
Though, it didn't seem like I was the only one because not even a second later, Ryder wrapped his large arms around my petite frame. His arms enveloping me perfectly in his embrace.
Moments later, I felt Ryder's shoulders shake violently, and a wet substance got soaked up in my clothing.
My heart shattered to pieces as the boy in my arms crumbled to pieces. The overwhelming guilt of his actions and the consequences came crashing down. The boulder that was once on his shoulders slipped and crushed his body.
Our arms tightened around each other as the first sob escaped Ryder's throat. My own tears building up in my eyes, but I held them back, he needed me to be strong for him.
"We'll find a way, you'll get out this," I reassured him, running a hand through his soft hair. "You'll be okay. We'll be okay, I promise."
• • •
{edited}
oof, right in feels :(
"In this masquerade, she can't feel the pain. Cover up her heart, with a little paint. While he's pulling out a flask, to hide it all away, there's nothing left to say." —Alex Benjamin
