Ying&Yang (Jin One Shot)

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♚ JooYeon ♚

I breathed the scent of hand senitizer as I walked into the hospital with sixteen colourful balloons, strings tied around my fingers. "Hello, Jooyeon," a nurse greeted me with a friendly smile. "Are the kids up?" I asked, looking at my watch. 1:05PM. She nodded and led me to the children's wards. I slid the door open and peeped in.

"Jooyeon unni!" "Jooyeon noona!"

My presence was warmly welcomed by the open arms of injured kids. Their cheerful voices brought joy - as if they painted bright colours to the sound waves around me, sirening life into my ears.

2:10PM

"Bye everyone! I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I hugged each of them and said my farewell, promising a tomorrow. As I closed the door of the ward I felt happiness blooming in me. It felt good to be the one to spark a smile on someone's face. Its satisfaction ran in my blood, refreshing me with more reasons to continue living.

♚ Jin ♚

I lied down helplessly on the hospital bed. The gloomy thunder clouds decorating the sky were the last source of comfort I could cuddle myself with. My eyes became teary as I took a deep breath, digging my fingers into a pillow. This was the end.

I don't want to live anymore.

I pressed the pillow hard against my face, blocking me from inhaling any air. I let the merciless act of my own hands take away my pathetic life.

1 MINUTE

I can't breathe.

I wasn't only running out of oxygen, but hope as well. One by one my burdens swept me away like a tsunami of nostalgia. Every bad incident that had happened to me, every bad thought that had ever crossed my sad mind, flickered like broken lightbulbs in my dark oxygen-deprived heart.

2 MINUTES

I give up. I give in. I'm waving my white flag.

I unknowingly soaked the pillow with my overflowing tears, making it easier to suffocate myself. A part of me started begging for air. Still, my hands pushed it against me. I was so sick of trying not to dissapoint anyone but I ended up disappointing everyone. I grew up to hate myself at the age everyone was falling in love. I hated everything. I hated me.

I can't do this anymo-

♚ Jooyeon ♚

I forcefully pulled the pillow out of his grip and threw it to the floor. I held his frail hand and fell into the chair. "Please don't do this to yourself," I whispered faintly as my heart sunk into the sea of my emotions. My eyes rained tears, seeing him so tired and hopeless.

♚ Jin ♚

I looked at her, frustrated.

Why did she take my chance away?

She wrapped my weak fingers in her palms and whispered "please don't do this to yourself." My teary eyes locked with hers and she broke down.

Why is she doing this? I don't even know her.

We stayed at that position for a good five minutes as I desperately refilled my lungs with air. I began to question myself if I was still crying because I was pissed that I didn't die or I was glad that someone saved me.

The beautiful stranger wiped my tears and stroked my black hair. Coaxing me like a baby, she constructed her words and built the voice to speak to me within her hiccups.

"Don't ever do that again, please. There are so many people out there who loves you even if you don't see it," she paused to wipe her tears that kept flowing. "Please, I know you're going through a rough time and you feel like you're letting everyone down even if they're not expecting anything from you. But there's at least one person out there who cares for you. I can be that person. I am that person."

"Looking at the way you are now, you must've ended up here from attempting suicide before. Why would you do such a thing? If you had died, what will happen to the girl you were going to get married to in the future? Or that one guy in your school who actually wants to be your friend? What about your siblings, your parents? If you had died, what will happen to this future of yours that you have so little faith about? Don't you want to shape your life? If you can't do it, atleast try. Don't surrender."

Tears kept streaming down my face, listening to a stranger's plea. She gripped my hands tight as if she was praying that my sins of me torturing myself would wash away.

"I..." she looked to the ceiling of the dull hospital in hopes that her sobs would come to an end. She tore the upset on her face and forced a heartbreaking smile. "You could've killed yourself a long time ago but you didn't. You survived more than a hundred days per year walking through hell, you set alarms in the morning so that you can wake up even if you were scared you couldn't escape the night, you get lost in your bedroom and sink in your bed from time to time but still get up anyway and you are still here. You are still here. I am so extremely proud of you."

Her glass broke and the wine spilled. The broken pieces were trying their best to maintain a smile but as what they were; they were broken. She couldn't pretend it didn't happen. Someone, before her very own eyes, had just tried to kill himself.

"Listen, if you feel like the whole world is crushing you down and you feel like giving in to your monsters, just remember the ying and yang symbol. In good there's bad and in bad there's good. On the left side, the light is more than dark. Everything happens for a reason; the pros and cons. The ying and yang is trying to teach you to think positive because there are more blessings than curse. You just have to open your eyes. On the other side of the symbol shows that there is more dark than light. It's not telling you to think negatively, but to be thankful of the tiny light that you have. I'm proud of you so you need to keep going. Be nice to yourself."

♚♚♚ 3:26PM ♚♚♚

Her words rung in my head like a message from the angels. She was no longer beside me but I could still feel her warmth in my palms. I felt at home with a stranger more than I ever did with my own family. What she said triggered my entire perception of the cruel world around me and myself. She gave me hope.

And suddenly, so suddenly, I craved to live.

"Mr Kim SeokJin, are you feeling alright?" My nurse asked as she walked into my ward. She picked up the pillow the stranger had thrown to the floor to save me, and placed it aside. "What was Jooyeon doing in here?" She trailed with another question.

"Her name is Jooyeon?" I turned to the nurse for an immediate answer. She nodded slightly while lining up the pills that I had to take on a metal tray. She looked at me and understood that I needed more than just a nod for a response.

"She was admitted to the hospital when she was 16 for trying to kill herself. She succeeded on that. But the doctors believed it wasn't too late to save her so with their hard work, prayers and a miracle, Jooyeon's heart started beating again. She stayed in the hospital for a couple more weeks and struggled to get back on her weak feet. She began drawing ying and yangs all over her notebook and studied the way humans interacted. She became understanding and loving, appreciating the tiny things around her. The staffs and I felt like we were watching a flower bloom after a rain. Everyday after that, she would go around the hospital from ward to ward, giving gifts. And she is 18 now. She had brought life to this dying place. A strong girl she is. I'm so glad she's alive."