I'm not one to get deep or anything but I'll allow it this once...
Every day is the same. We wake, we eat, we spend our time doing trivial tasks to mask the emptiness we would feel otherwise. We make friends and connections, often with people we don't even really like, simply because they are interesting. We go to school or work telling ourselves we are doing this to find the best version of ourselves and if we play the game the right way... We might win. And then we do it all over again.
But there are some moments. Moments that you just know you will remember forever. Moments that you can feel all the way down to your soul that something is different, something is coming, or something might even... matter. Those moments are rare enough, but stronger than any other because in that second you know that everything could change. You could choose a different path. You could fall in love. You could gain everything you've ever wanted. You could lose it all.
Today was not one of those days.
But funnily enough after today everything would change. Nothing would ever be the same thanks to the universe and it's infinite wisdom. No warnings, no signs, nothing.
And the funniest part of all is the truth that no one wants to admit.
You're glad.
Every day can be so plain and you are forced to find the meaning in everything. When you walk through the forest and the breeze is perfect, as if it was meant for you, but you know it's not. When you make eye contact with a handsome stranger and you envision, for just a second, what if it was more. You dream of adventure, magic, danger, love, and if nothing else you just hope that when the time comes, you made as much of your life as you could. Even if you don't live a day more, at least today you felt something.
But there is nothing more terrifying then knowing today things will change. Than knowing that one way or another you will have to make a choice that could give you everything, or nothing. Than knowing that you are about to play the biggest gamble of your life. And lose.
So I don't regret not knowing what would happen to me. I don't regret the choices I made because it brought me to this, and if I had to go one more day not knowing about magic, fate, death, or him... I might not have done what I have had to do. I might not be where I am, but still living a life every day seeking for something that I know now, I never would have found. Because it has always been, and it will always be here.
I just wish life hadn't been such a bitch at the end.
