Chapter 1
Talia hated looking in the mirror. She hated seeing herself –her thick, curly dark brown hair with pieces straying from her face, her bright green eyes, and her pale skin that she considered sickly, her frail, slim figure that she thought was fat, –because she would hear the booming voice in her mind yelling Ugly! You fat and ugly failure! You let everyone down and in the end you just bring everyone down with you! How can you even bear to look at yourself? She desperately wanted to ignore the little voice she knew as her “self-conscience,” but no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the voice was still there, and always got to her. She couldn’t help but believe that what the voice was saying was true.
She had always been insecure. She grew up in a family of drop dead gorgeous models, and she couldn’t help but feel out of place –like she didn’t belong. Both her parents grew up modeling –that’s how they met, and once they were married and had the funds, they started their own modeling agency, and once they had their first child, Marissa, they knew that she was destined for modeling greatness.
Marissa had bright blue eyes and straight yet long, light, brown hair. She had faint freckles across her nose and plump pink lips. She was thin and tall and had the perfect build of a model, just like her mother. Her looks were what you’d expect for someone of her personality. She was very sweet, polite, smiley, and cheery all the time. She had this kind of contagious happiness, and everyone acted slightly different when they were around her. But it was obvious that she was going places in modeling.
Soon enough, Addison came along. Addison had dark blonde hair and bright blue eyes with a hint of yellow towards the pupil, and was the same build as her beautiful sister. Addison had a different look to her, she was more shy in her personality and it showed in her pictures. She didn’t smile unless the photographer specifically asked for her to. She always had a mysterious look to her, not smiling, not frowning. It made you wonder what she was feeling inside. As completely opposite of Marissa, they didn’t get along very well. Marissa was always upset because she thought that Addison was mad at her all the time because of her non-smiling facial expression.
Then came Payton. Payton had a lot in common with Marissa. They looked a bit like twins, even with the four year age difference, and acted alike. Their personalities were the same, and they got along very well. Payton had the same hair as Marissa, though it was cut shorter. Her freckles weren’t quite as faint as Marissa’s, and though their eye color was exactly the same, the shape was different. But, just like Marissa, it was obvious that beautiful Payton was going places in modeling.
Three years after Payton was born, Talia came into the family. She didn’t look like any of her beautiful sisters, and she didn’t act like them. She felt like an outsider in her own family. Her mother tried to assure her that she had a modeling career ahead of her too, but Talia knew better than that, and quit modeling at the age of thirteen. Modeling was what held the Donovan family together, and not being a part of it, made her not a part of their family. Of course, not in a technical manner, but emotionally, yes. Talia just never felt right.
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“Talia! I’m leaving, so if you want a ride to school, you better come down now!” called Payton from the bottom of the stairs. Talia had been attempting to use makeup, but found her attempts unsuccessful. Nothing will cover up your hideousness, her self-conscience told her. Talia sighed, and looked in the mirror one last time.
You’re right, she thought to herself, and wiped off the makeup.
“Talia? Coming or not?” Yelled Payton again.
“Coming!” she yelled, grabbing her backpack and rushing down the stairs.
Payton was waiting at the door, with a plain piece of toast in her hand. Even skinny little Payton was always trying to go on diets, and that just made Talia feel even more disgusting about herself. Payton had her purse in hand, and her designer backpack slung around one shoulder.
“Payton, don’t forget, I’m picking you up at ten o’clock for the shoot in New York. Get your school work for tomorrow and the day after because we won’t be back until Thursday,” her Mom told her, while filling out last minute paperwork at the kitchen island, while biting into a piece of plain whole wheat toast.
“Yeah, sure, Mom. Bye!” She called walking out the door. Talia of course, followed. Together they climbed into Payton’s brand spanking new Toyota that she got for her sixteenth birthday. “Be careful of the leather, Talia!” scolded Payton as Talia threw her backpack in the backseat. Talia rolled her eyes and said nothing. She had learned over the years that in situations like this, it was just better to shut up and deal with her fussy family. Payton turned on the local pop station –the type of music that everyone listened to but Talia hated. To her, music was a way to hear a story… a different life, so that she could escape her own. But it seemed like no one else understood music the way that she religiously listened to hers. But then the voice came back. Why aren’t you cool like your sister, Talia? What’s wrong with you anyway? She thought about that. Why couldn’t she be normal and cool and popular and drop dead gorgeous like her sister? Why did she have to be the weird one?
When they pulled into school, Payton parked and Talia went in the opposite direction without saying anything. It was kind of an unwritten rule between Payton and Talia; They didn’t talk in school. Payton was of course, as all Talia’s older siblings, popular. Talia… wasn’t. She wasn’t a super nerd that everyone thought was weird, but she just didn’t really get along well with people in general. So she kept to herself, did her homework, and received average grades. She was a normal person on the outside, but no one knew what was going on in her head. She passed a cluster of some of the barbies in her class. Molly was babbling on about what her boyfriend did for their one week anniversary and how it was so romantic and how he was such a good kisser. The other girls were nodding and smiling and laughing like little three year old robots. Talia immediately thought to herself that they were just being stupid. She was above that. She didn’t need or care about any of those things. Who needed a boyfriend anyway? Obviously you’re just jealous that they’re living like normal teenagers and you have no friends and you’re not nearly pretty enough to ever get a boyfriend. Talia tried to shake it out of her head, but as she watched the girls, she realized the voice was right. She was just saying these things to herself to comfort her, that she didn’t need a boy to make her feel special and loved, but she did. And that’s when she really set it in her mind that she was desperate for a boyfriend.
But she kept walking, going through the classes. She eyed each boy she saw in the hall and decided if they would be boyfriend worthy. She passed Ben, the jock who was good looking but the most obnoxious kid in the entire school. He’s popular, you could never get him. She agreed and carried on. She passed another kid with clunky old fashioned head phones in plugged into his ipod while he ignored the world and bobbed his head casually with a backpack slung over his shoulder. He was quiet… in her English class last year. His name was Evan… or was it Eli? She wondered what music he was listening to, looking at his dark hair and broad shoulders and as his head bobbed, a glint in the light made her realize that his eyes were a gorgeous bright blue… at first she had figured some kind of loud rock. But the bright blue eyes seemed so innocent… she could never be sure. Trust me, Talia, forget him. You don’t have a chance. She nodded in agreement, and looked around for other guys. But passing other guys… she couldn’t help but wonder what his type was. Was she it?
