Mysterious Notebook

saturday

As usual Miss Jenson was in a sour mood.

When I presented myself at the door of her classroom, out of breath and panting with my hair dishevelled by all that running; she just looked at me once, sideways, from above her gold rimmed glasses and then continued taking the attendance.

I stammered an apology for being late. She waved her hand in irritation and I realised I had been dismissed.

I sighed and walked away with drooping shoulders towards the library.

Had it been any other day I might have gone to the cookie shop instead. But today I felt tired. And I wasnt too keen on walking that extra distance to the shop.

After the bell rang announcing the end of the lecture, I got up to leave.

I stood outside the classroom waiting for Miss J to come out.

As soon as she saw me, her face changed into a scowl. That didnt discourage me from submitting my disastrous project to her. She took the folder from me.

I bit my lower lip praying to God that she doesnt open it now. If she did, she would ask me to re-write it.

Guess I was lucky, because she gave me a glare before turning her back on me and walking away with my project craddled in her arms.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Philosophy was an interesting lecture. I always enjoy it.

But the thought of the impending PTA meeting as well as the replaying of the morning incident kept me distracted.

Soon over the noise of the bell, the respective classrooms for separate divisions were announced on the speakers.

C-164

I grabbed my bag and ran down the hall towards my locker. After depositing the bag there, I made my way to the canteen.

I was in no mood to check on mom. I was sure she would be there in the room, punctual as always.

All I wanted was a little me-time.

However, that was not going to be.

Rebecca and Joanna joined me at my table. They were my so-called friends here. The desperate duo.

I dont know what made me so important for them. But it was a fact that they never left me alone.

Maybe it was because of the help I could always bestow them regarding assignments and every other academic work.

It was an unfair deal between us. I would finish their academic stuff while they allowed me to hang out with them and attend their parties.

It was not that I wanted to be a part of their bitchy squad. But they were the only people who noticed me so I went along with the deal.

However, I skipped their parties inspite of their numerous invitations and offers.

Now was one of those times when I didnt want their company. These days I found them more and more annoying. Probably pretending to be friends with them was becoming exhausting to me.

I didnt greet them like usual when they sat down facing me.

Rebecca talked first.

"We heard your project was destroyed? What actually happened Ann?"

I hated it when they called me 'Ann'.

I really wasnt feeling very chirpy to describe them the incident again. I was afraid I might break into tears if I had to relate it to them. And I didnt want to cry.

So I just shrugged.

I could feel their gaze on me as I shifted in my chair uncomfortably. It makes me uneasy when people stare at me. Besides, I didnt want to make eye contact with them so it was more awkward.

I unwrapped my snacks and started eating silently.

Joanna suddenly got up and came towards me. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

"Dear me! Becca look.. she is miserable about it. Aint she?!"

"Leave me alone." I murmured weakly.

Her probing fingers gripped my chin and forced me to look up at her.

Then before I knew they had left me, more sad and broken than before. The half-wrapped sandwich still in my hand and the two empty chairs pulled out facing me.

I watched them walk away sniggering behind me. Becca turned to wink at me before leaving the canteen, and I sat transfixed in horror.

Those were the only two people who talked to me at Uni.

I sat there for some more time even though I had finished eating.

There were times like these when you feel numb and the only pain that throbs is the yearning for a companion who understands you and sticks with you through thick and thin.

I closed my eyes and let my head fall into my palms while I rested my elbows over the table.

Perhaps, the worst part about being sad is that you dont even know what makes you happy amymore.