Love, par sex ke baad (Love, but after sex)

Chapter 27

I lay on top of him for what felt like an eternity. He was still inside me. I felt so satiated, and from the expression on his face, I knew he did too.

I still needed to talk to him about Karan, though. I looked up at him; his eyes were closed. "Salil," I said tentatively.

"Hmm"

"Karan is just a friend now."

Salil's arms tightened around me, and he opened his eyes to look down at me. I waited for him to say something, but when he didn't, I continued, "we still meet for work every often." His eyes darkened at that, and he pressed his lips together. "Say something," I urged him.

He moved his arms away from me and clasped them under his head. I grimaced. "What do you want me to say to my wife meeting her boyfriend," he asked.

I sat up, and he slid out of me. "Ex-boyfriend and present friend," I said tartly, feeling a little annoyed at his reaction.

"He didn't seem like an ex from the way you were dancing" I could hear the anger in Salil's voice too.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, shouting won't achieve anything "see Salil, I know how it might seem to you. We are just very close. It's hard to explain even, we know each other better than we know ourselves. We loved each other not just as a partner but as so much more. I know what I am saying is making it even worse, but I need you to understand. We are not partners anymore; I have moved on. I don't love him as I love you now."

"You have moved on, but what about him?"

"How does it matter? You aren't married to him," I said; it was hard to keep the anger out of my voice now. He was clearly focusing on the wrong thing. Salil's gaze was no longer angry but wary. I could see that he wasn't sure whether he wanted to listen to more, but I needed him to understand. I took his hand in mine, "in his own way, he has moved on as well," I told him.

"Why does it not seem like he has then? Why does it not seem like you have then?" Salil asked.

"That's what I am trying to explain. Our relationship transcended the boundaries of a regular boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. We were everything to each other – parent, sibling, friend, everything. Just because our relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that all those other meanings, all those other moments, all those other instances, all those other feelings go away. We aren't in love with each other. I don't feel anything when he touches me. Heck, the first time you touched me, I had NEVER felt like that anyway ever in my entire life. But Salil, we still love each other. He is still my friend." I hoped Salil would understand this. He loved Arti in his own way.

"Then what are you doing with me? Why did you marry me?" Salil asked.

"It's not about you; it's about me. Don't you see it? We broke up months before I decided to marry you – MONTHS! He and I were never meant to last. It was too much; we were too much. We are so much better as friends now. We were so tangled in each other that we couldn't see anything else. There was no clarity," I said, then I took Salil's face in my hands and added, "with you, I have clarity." I kissed his cheek lightly and put my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me. I waited for him to say something, anything.

"I don't know if I understand it. I hate Karan," Salil said. This angered me. I expected him out of all the people to understand.

"I live with the woman whose body you know better than you probably know mine, and you hate my ex-boyfriend? You have got to be joking me," I retorted, getting out of the bed to look for clothes.

"Arti isn't my soul mate," he said softly. I realized what he was pointing at. Salil is my husband, and I love him. We shared a kind of unsaid understanding. But Karan will always be my soul mate. I trust Karan with my life, with all my decisions, but all soul mates are not meant to be life partners. He is like my guardian angel, always there for me, watching over me.

"I know she isn't, but I have accepted whatever relationship you had with her. I see her every day, and many days I think of what all you both must have done together. Have you ever heard me complain about it?" I asked, pulling a night suit on. I was diverting the topic to him.

"No, you haven't," he said. I cut him off before he could continue, "you have had many secrets from me. I still don't understand why Mom hates the fact that you like sex. I have never even tried to ask you. Yet, you hate my friend, seriously?" I asked him glaringly.

"You have been accepting of my family, my sexual exploits, and me. I love you for all of that. Karan means more to you than all those things in my life Avantika" Salil said. His voice was so calm that I felt like he was in a business meeting suddenly. This was the thing about us when he was hysterical, I was quiet, and now I was angry, and he is calm. We balanced each other out. It never got too much.

"He doesn't mean more to me than you do. If he meant so much to me, I would have remained unmarried but with him forever as he wanted," I said. I wished my voice was as calm as Salil's, but it was shaking badly. Karan meant a lot to me, but I wanted different things than he did, and so I had moved on. It didn't mean we were not friends.

Salil walked up to me and pulled me in a hug. He started kissing my neck and shoulder. He pushed my blouse down from my shoulder and rained open-mouthed kisses on me. My breath hitched in my throat. "You know what we didn't have?" I asked breathlessly. The control I had felt moments ago was slipping.

Salil pulled me against his body as his hands moved inside my shirt to my nipples. "This passion, I never left this before," I told him, closing my eyes.

"You mean he wasn't good at sex?" Salil asked between his kisses.

"He was. He was just not you," I said, pulling Salil away from my neck and fusing my lips with his. My body molded against Salil's. He pulled away a little bit, and I hugged him around his waist and rested my head on his chest.

"I'll ask Arti to leave if she bothers you," Salil said. I felt horrible for bringing her into this conversation. I shook my head "no, no, don't ask her to leave. She is brilliant at her job," I said. I felt him nod, "I don't feel anything for her," he said.

"You care for her," I said simply.

"You don't want me to?" he asked, pulling away slightly to look at my face.

I snorted at his response, "I never said that. I just said you care about her, as you probably always will, whether she works here or somewhere else". He nodded but didn't really seem to understand.

"Salil, I know you will always care for her. It bothers me, but I understand it. It's fine," I said, kissing his chest lightly. He nodded again.

I pulled away from him and got into bed, yawning. "Are you planning to join me anytime soon?" I asked. He smiled and nodded again.