she's in the rain | ateez yunho

one

'do you hear me
even if you're hurt you don't show it
i'm so scared of seeing the end
in your eyes
i can see the emptiness.'

the rose (더 로즈) - she's in the rain
__________________________________

'i am so over it.'
i thought to myself, throwing my phone to the other side of the bed. a big sigh left my sore body as i curled myself up into a ball. like usual i stared at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world and maybe to me sometimes it actually was. i didn't have the energy anyway.

*1 new message*

the buzzing of the notification filled the room for just a split second and another sigh escaped my mouth. slowly but steady i pushed myself up from the bed to grab the phone i previously threw away without a thought. the light shining from the screen made me squint my eyes before quickly turning down the brightness. yet again i really couldn't help but sigh. it felt like a moment of relief, so letting it out felt nice to me.

***
""@daehee0206
don't bother talking to me ever again""
***

i read over the message again and again, thinking about what i could have possibly done wrong. reflecting over every moment with my now 'ex best friend'. daehee had been my best friend since the first year of high school and we spent most of our time together, making us friends for over almost 5 years, but out of nowhere she wouldn't talk to me anymore. i held back tears as i locked my phone. ever since she got a boyfriend she changed. she wouldn't talk to me anymore or would just straight up be rude to me. when i confronted her about it the whole situation exploded.

i didn't understand. i had always been there for daehee, even pushing back my own worries to help her out. she could come to me every second of the day and i'd stop what i was doing just to be there for her. i stopped trying though, it wasn't gonna change her mind anyway. i spent countless hours apologising to her while i didn't know what i was apologising for. i cried, days on end. only stopping to force myself to eat something. my tears wouldn't come anymore these days, which was a sign for me to try and pick up my life again. ofcourse it still hurt, but what could i do.

i had been struggling to follow along at college and have been absent for a couple of weeks as i didn't have the energy to get out of bed most of the time. you could call me school drop out at this point. my major didn't interest me anyway, my scary aunt wanted me to try and be a nurse. not me. i just didn't know what to do with my life so i stumbled into nursing that way. at least i had loving and supportive parents, and not to forget my sweet brother, who were there to help me through my saddest days.

but right now, i just wanted to sink into the sheets and never see daylight again.

"there goes my last and only friend."
as i mentioned normally i would be crying about it again, but my body had no energy left to be even sadder than i already was.

i didn't have to see her anymore anyway. i'll forget about it sooner or later... right?

i stared at the ceiling and my picture filled walls trying to find the courage to leave my room, which i rather never did again, but i promised my mom to at least get 3 meals in a day.

i checked my phone one more time and
no notifications.
good. leave me alone.

i finally gathered the energy to get up, almost crawling out of bed. sheets and pillows all over the place and my desk filled with cups and empty plates. i stared at them for a bit before realising i was actually feeling a bit hungry.

while making my way downstairs i stumbled across my older brother.
" you look even worse than you did yesterday." he mumbled, almost as if i shouldn't have heard what he said. "thank you hyunsu, i really needed to hear that." i answered, giving him a pat on the back and a fake smile.

mom and dad were at work again. i knew from the empty kitchen. it was is their favorite spot in the house. mom was always there making something while dad gave her 'suggestions' on how to make it 'better'. truly the best duo, i wish i could find love like they have for eachother one day.

i opened the frigde. it lowkey became a habit, i open it and hope something would magically appear that would find my interest. i lost a bit of weight over the course of the weeks, but luckily i have a sweet family that feeds me in time.

"hyunsu!"
...

"this man never answers me straight away." i said to myself as i rolled my eyes.

"HYUNSU!"

"what do you want?" he yelled back from the living room.

"please feed your little sister that you love so so so much." i yelled back. i put on my best puppy eyes and had a little pout on my face. "i'm hungry." i whined.

soft footsteps slowly made their way to the kitchen. "you're 23 years old and still can't make your own food? hyeseo please what are you gonna do when you're alone?" hyunsu asked me with his hands on his hips.
it made me chuckle. he looked so much like mom that way. he also understood that i was sad, but he still encouraged me to start 'living' again, step by step.

"you look and sound just like mom."

me and hyunsu we're only born 1 and a half year apart which always made us get along well. we could talk about anything and everything with eachother. he was one of my biggest supporters.

"oh shut up, what do you wanna eat?" he asked me while making his way over to the fridge.

"porridge please." i replied, keeping up my puppy eyes. i leaned down onto the counter.

"alrighty coming right up for miss independent."

i helped him make our lunch and after we finished we sat down together to eat. "you know hyeseo" he started "i want you to go out of the house more again. it's been weeks that you have seen daylight." he added, putting another spoon of food in his mouth."hey, i see sunlight when i open my curtain or when i get the mail outside." i tried defending myself. he suggested for me to tag along with him multiple times, but he usually got a very straightforward 'no thank you'.

"be serious, you need some social interaction. why don't you go out with me tomorrow? i'm gonna see some of my friends, we're gonna go do karaoke." hyunsu put his spoon down and turned to me. "isn't that weird? what if they don't want me there?"

"do you think i care? they just have to accept it. they're all around your age anyway and i'm pretty sure they won't mind." he added. he picked his spoon back up and continued his meal, looking at me as he waited for an answer.

"i guess so." i told him. i didn't want to but i'm sure it would be fine. i'll survive.

"great! we leave at 5pm, dinner and karaoke."

i wanted to say 'no' so bad, but didn't want to dissapoint hyunsu again either. you win some and you lose some, but i had to see it as progress right?