Subject 0: The mistake

The Self-Crushing Self-Discovery

-So... What do we do now?
-We keep on breathing I guess...
-Until when?
-Until we can't no more...

The next couple of weeks, Newt stayed on bed rest. His injuries weren't that severe and he could easily move around with the very handmade crutches the Builders hastily made for him, but Alby insisted he should take a break. The Leader was very worried about his friend. At the same time I was officially, unofficially made an official unofficial Medjack. Meaning Alby and Clint decided I was good at 'playing doctor' so I should stick to it without trying the other jobs. I was quite excited about that development because by being a Medjack I got to help my fellow Gladers, something that gave me extreme satisfaction, but mostly since it meant I didn't have to try out for the Slather-house. For the first couple of days I was supposed to mostly learn the job by observing my mentors, Clint and Jeff (you can imagine who insisted I called them that *cough* Jeff *cough*), but considering the circumstances someone needed to stay with Newt for the majority of the day. So I was also given nurse duties as Alby thought I was the right person to keep an eye on Newt while he made his full recovery. I didn't really mind though because now that Newt was acting more and more like himself I enjoyed his company more and more every time. The problem was I didn't know how to approach him about his 'accident' as Minho delicately put it. So I avoided talking with him about anything more serious than the very unchanging weather or the meal of the day.
The other problem I was facing, was once again that of Alex. After staying in the Slammer for less then a week and following another 'discussion' with the Keepers (which neither Newt nor I attended) he was set free. I don't understand how he managed to weasel his way out of the Glade's prison so easily and after such a sort sentence, but I can understand the Keepers' way of thinking: since he was still alive and consuming resources, he should still do his part. Now, did understanding their way of thinking make me feel any better when I vainly tried to sleep in my room? Nope! Unfortunately, it did not. So with the increasing fear of both Alex and my weird dreams, plaguing my late night thoughts, most of my nights were spent in a seemingly endless cycle of sleeping, waking up, freaking out and repeat until the exhaustion you feel is visible to the people around you through your bloodshot eyes. Now at this point I should probably give them some credit. It's not like they just left him roam around free without any restrictions. He was always accompanied by at least two other Gladers wherever he went (even the toilet and I wouldn't even want to think how that worked, especially in the Glade's tiny bathrooms) and he was not allowed to come anywhere near me. Still that did little to calm my nerves when suddenly in the middle of noon a couple of days after he was set free, I looked out of the window of Newt's room in the infirmary to see the one and only Alex staring at me from all the way across the fields. Excellent social skills my not-friend, that's the perfect way to get reacquainted with the girl you tried to violate. Sarcasm very noted I hope.
"What's wrong?" Newt asked me, noticing my concerned look.
"Nothing" I simply replied and threw one last glare towards Alex's general direction before forcibly closing the blinds.
"That doesn't seem like nothing. Was it him?" Newt insisted turning to look at me.
Damn you, you perceptive beautiful bastard.
"Yes but I doesn't matter, I closed the blinds, it's not like he has super-vision or anything..." I dismissed his concern and busied myself with organising some spare supplies.
"You should talk to Alby you know? He can't just-" Newt started, his voice rising with every word, anger clearly there.
"And tell him what? It's not against the rules to look at someone" I interrupted him with a calm but stern voice.
"It should be when it's him..." Newt mumbled under his breath.
"Look, I appreciate your concern, truly I do, but Alby can't do much more than he already has. And anyway I'll be fine, it's not myself I'm worried about." I said turning to look at him with a meaningful look.
He averted his eyes and sighed. Well I guess that's the end of that conversation.
"I'll go bring us some dinner, you get some rest until I get back ok?" I more said then asked and squeezed his arm before leaving the room with a sigh of my own.
After Alex was set free and he took his old job in the kitchen back, I was always tense solely by the idea of going there for meals. Usually either Jeff or Clint would bring me my share in the infirmary and I would just eat there along with Newt and the other patients. When I did go to the kitchen myself, I would always hesitate by the door and check out who was in serving duty for the day. On this particular day and after my brief staring contest with Alex himself, I was especially nervous to just waltz in the kitchen area even if I could clearly see, from my safe spot by the doorway, that it was actually my favourite bearded cook that was going to be serving me my food.
I scoffed at myself for being so cautious. It was stupid how scared I was of just one guy in the middle of a community full of guys. The Glade was my home, my friends were there, I was protected there and everyone knew what he had done to me. No one would let anything happen to me because even if (at the moment) I had been there for less than a month, they were my family, we were each other's family, simply because we had noone else. But I just couldn't shake the awful feeling, that chill that went up my spine and made me shudder, every time I thought about him.