OUR SHALLOW GRAVES

Flowers

"Mama, mama look!" Eren said excitedly as a small butterfly landed on his tiny outstretched. Carla hums joyfully at her gleaming son. As the butterfly flaps its wings and disappears into the sky, Eren turns to his mother and smiles.

"It was so pretty, mama. I wish I were a pretty butterfly.," Eren says happily as he bounces towards his mother's open arms. She laughs as he jumps and clings to her neck. To Eren's ears, his mother's laugh is so beautiful that it hurt.

"Well I would be sad if you were a butterfly.," Carla replies to her son. He looks at her, his face contorted in confusion.

"Why mama? I would be so pretty and quieter too. You always say that I'm really loud sometimes.," Eren responds. Carla only laughs again.

"Because if you a butterfly, I wouldn't have a son. And I would choose you being so noisy and loud over being a quiet butterfly. Your noise is music to my ears, even if it gets a little annoying sometimes.," she replies happily. Eren smiles with his mother.

"Then I'll always be loud and you'll hear my music every day.," Eren states proudly. Carla scoffs but simply looks in utter adoration at her son. As the words resonate in her mind. Her son.

Eren wakes up suddenly. Sweat beads his forehead as he eyes his surroundings. He notices how white everything is and almost believes that heaven-sent its angels to adorn it with such white cloths. So white that the room seems to shine. His breathing steadies from the erratic state that it once was and inches towards the edge of the bed. The sun bathes the room with its ethereal glow making it seem brighter. He blinks a few times to allow himself to adjust to the blinding light. It takes him a moment to realize that he was in the infirmary. As he looks around the room he soon notices someone was there with him. His eyes trace the outline of his captain as he leans back in his chair, chin to his chest, and sound asleep. Eren allows himself to get closer and as he does so he slips. His hand failing to properly grip the sheets as he falls and ends up in Levi's lap. The captain opens his eyes to find himself face to face with his subordinate. Their noses mere centimeters from each other as their eyes search for answers. They jump at the sudden outburst resonating from the entrance of the room. Detangling themselves from each other, they look towards the door to find out what caused such a racket. Petra's on her knees as she rubs her head and Hanji's tapping around frantically for her glasses.

"Oi, Shitty Four Eyes, what happened?" Levi asks, standing from his seat. Once Hanji grabs her glasses and sets them straight she stands up and helps Petra to her feet.

"We heard something fall and sorta ran into each other.," Hanji replies scratching the back of her nape. They utter apologies towards each other before looking at Eren. Hanji nearly jumps out of her skin as Petra bolts to his side.

"Eren, are you ok?! What happened last night?!" Petras exclaims as Eren tries to figure out what happened.

"I'm sorry. I have little to no recollection of what happened. I don't even know how I got here.," Eren admits defeatedly. Petra's eyes soften as she looks at Eren, head to toe. Hanji stands behind Petra, eyes glossing over.

"You gave us quite a scare. Your fever wouldn't come down so we thought you wouldn't make it.," Hanji says regretfully. Eren's eyes widen as he looks to his captain in confirmation. When Levi wouldn't meet his gaze he stares down at his hands.

"Oh...," he says quietly. Petra grasps his hands in hers, smiling at him.

"What happened? My heads pounding a little but other than that I feel fine. I just can't seem remember.," Eren says, eyeing Hanji thoughtfully. Petra bites her lip as Hanji starts to speak.

"You collapsed in the dining hall, but Levi managed to catch you before you hurt yourself. You were running an extremely high fever and seemed to have gone into shock. You were so pale you could've been mistaken as a ghost.," Hanji said, chuckling slightly at her joke. Eren hummed as he mulled over what happened. He noticed Petra eyeing his arms in thought as she was rubbing her thumb on the inside of his wrist.

"Petra? What's wrong?" He asked. She looked at him in disbelief. She held up his arm in her hand and carefully rolled up the sleeve. He looked away the moment he saw the fabric. His eyes started to fill as his throat suddenly went dry.

"Why Eren? Why?" She asked, voice so quiet it was barely heard. Eren shook his head as he stared at the wrappings.

"I-I can't.," he gasped out. Levi snapped. He stomped over the side of Eren's bed and grabbed the collar of his shirt. Eren meekly grasped at Levi's wrist in an attempt to not choke on his clothing. As silver was met with ocean teal, Eren could see the storm brewing in his eyes. A mixture of pain and guilt swirled as shame crashed into Eren in waves.

"You can't what?! Can't tell us or won't?! Or better yet can't trust us for god sake!" Levi exclaimed in Eren's face. Eren could only watch as his idol seemed to breakdown.

"Levi please.," Hanji said as she grasped his shoulder. He relinquished his grip and walked out of the room, slamming the door as he left. Eren flinched at the sudden noise.

"He's right Eren. Why couldn't you come talk to us? You know we love you, right?" Petra asked the teen. He could only curl in on himself as the tears rolled down his face. His sobs barely filling the room, making the scene much more unbearable. They let Eren have his privacy and exit the room. As he hugs himself, he recalls something his mother said.

"Mama?" Eren called to his mother. Carla looked at him questioningly.

"Yes sweetie?" She replied. Eren twiddled his thumbs nervously.

"Why do some people die early?" He asked. Carla's eyes widened at her son's question.

"What brings this up?" She asks alarmed.

"When Mikasa came to live with us. I know it was the kidnappers fault, but why did her parents have to die?" He asks, looking up at her expectantly. She sighs and looks up towards the sky thoughtfully.

"When you're in a garden, what kind of flowers do you pick?" She asks. Eren tilts his head.

"The beautiful ones.," he replies.