Love and Lies ~ TsukkiYama

Chapter 10

"I'm sorry...Yamaguchi."

"T-Tsukki?" Yamaguchi was completely shocked at this sudden apology, and that Tsukishima was actually crying. 

He's never seen him cry, not once, and he never thought that he will. Perhaps at his future wedding, he would; when he sees his wife for the first time walking down the aisle, or maybe when his first child would be born.

 Yamaguchi presumed that he would be the Best Man for him at his wedding and stand by Tsukishima's side as him and his wife-to-be join their hearts together. It would break his heart to watch Tsukishima fall in love with someone else, but if she makes him happy, it's fine.

Tsukishima always seemed so brave and confident, like he could do anything if he just tried. If Yamaguchi had to describe himself, he would use one word: Coward. He was too cowardly to confront Tsukishima earlier, and way to cowardly to even think about confessing his feelings. His feelings would probably go to the grave with him, nobody would ever know.

"I-I... I'm sorry... It's just, I treated you so horribly because of how much I hated myself. For a few years now... I've been suffering from bulimia and- and anorexia.."
Tsukishima bent his head down, his tears falling onto the ground below him, they made tiny wet patches that turned the dry dirt into a slightly deeper shade of brown.

The sky turned a dark azure now, and if you looked closely, you could see tiny stars glimmering in the sky, nearly being blocked out by the clouds that lingered in the sky.

Time seemed to have stopped for the two as they forgot that it was getting darker and darker. The only thing that was on their minds was the situation that was going on right now.

Yamaguchi's knees felt weak as he straightened his shoulders.

Anorexia? Bulimia? 

He was frozen on the spot, unable to do or say anything. The last thing he expected from his best friend was... this.

Deep down, everyone has their own problems and fears they have to face, no matter how confident or happy, everyone deals with their own hidden things, great or small, they still matter. It's still a problem no matter what it is.

Yamaguchi always knew this, but he always presumed that Tsukishima's problems would be something about his brother, not about himself and his mental health.

Tsukishima continued to speak, rushing and tripping over his sentences. It seemed almost as if he had a time limit, and he was rushing to explain everything before his time ran out.

"That's why I was so angry, I didnt want to eat or be around food. It started in our last year in middle school, and that's why I started to be especially rude to you around then..."

Tsukishima stood up slowly and lifted his head to reveal his mournful face.

Yamaguchi wanted to run over to him, hug him tightly, and tell him to love himself. It made sense why everything that happened did happen.

Finding this out was like finding the last piece of a puzzle and being able to complete the full picture to see what it is.

.

.

.

Sometimes it may surprise you, or sometimes you know what was coming all along.

Little details started to make sense, the way he ate so slowly, how he looked uncomfortable around food, the day he saw him coming out of the pharmacy with a small bag, the amount of time he usually spent in the bathroom, how tired and sick he looked all the time, how his head often hurt, how he had problems focusing in class, how small his lunch always was...