The Stages of Change [ChanBaek]

The Stages of Change

The story is based on the song Clean by Taylor Swift and the stages of change (or the Transtheoretical Model) created by Prochaska and DiClemente to treat addictions. The story has a heavy theme, so read with caution please, and pay attention to the tags!

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Baekhyun hummed a soft melody under his breath as he watched the scene unfolding in front of him with fondness settling comfortably in his chest. A small smile spread across his features and he sat down on the grass, entranced deeply by the beauty of the reality in front of his eyes.

His family was everything to him and without them, he wouldn't be where he currently was.

Once upon a time, he'd hit rock bottom after life had thrown many obstacles in his way that he was unsure he could overcome. Thankfully, Chanyeol had come along and given him the necessary push to get himself out of the black hole he found himself in.

He chuckled at the memory, his chest constricting slightly as the lingering remnants of scars that had long healed, but that remained in his heart, ached slightly.

There was a time when he had lost himself in his own misery. When life had gotten the best of him. He didn't know what self-love was and had allowed the demons in his mind to overcome him and rule him. He'd been ruined, broken, torn apart from his very core, and tossed around like a ragged doll.

He bit his bottom lip and smiled as his eyes met Chanyeol's from across the backyard. His husband's features brightening up beautifully as they did so.

Gladly, all those horrible feelings were in the past. Though ugly thoughts popped up here and there, he could tell himself that he was happy and that self-love had finally bloomed in his heart.

Looking back, he felt proud of himself and of the long journey he'd travelled. Sometimes he liked to reminisce on the old memories of darker days just to remind himself of everything he'd accomplished and as he stared at Chanyeol and their two children, he found himself falling back into a spiral of past.

XXXX

At twenty-one, Baekhyun felt exhausted.

Life was hard, as he'd come to learn with the years, and as more days passed the more he believed that fate enjoyed fucking everything up. University was stressful as always, work was... well work, his family were constantly pestering him for no particular reason and his love life... was a mess.

His hands turned into tight fists as anger over his last fight with Sehun, his boyfriend of two years, fleeted through his mind once again. He couldn't even remember what had triggered it and he didn't care either. That was irrelevant. The problem was his boyfriend's hurtful words. Words that had started to become repetitive with every misunderstanding they got into, which had started to become far too frequent lately.

Sighing, he closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to reign his feelings. It wasn't the time or place to be thinking about that.

He heard the front door of the little café he worked at open and immediately plastered a fake smile on his face. "Hello! What would be your order?" he exclaimed overenthusiastically at the pair in front of him, barely registering their faces.

He heard them reply and immediately got to work, writing their instructions accordingly on their paper cups before typing everything on the cash register. "Your order will be ready in a moment. We'll call out your name."

He didn't notice the two men thanked him until he heard their footsteps as they walked away. His mind was a mess, so he was trying with all his might to make it focus at least a little bit. He prepared the orders diligently, telling himself he couldn't fuck up just because of his personal issues. He was a professional, after all.