MY HOLLY SIN

Can lust be enough to drive you insane?

Looking at this, my new favorite picture of you, I get to remember every single detail of that night, one of many, because trust me, between the ones I imagined somehow and the ones we really lived, there are many, yet this one is special in its own way.

"I'm gonna ravish you alive", you said before tugging at the side of my once perfect dress. I managed to slip out of your hands and run away again, just away enough to awaken the predator in you. We both knew we were playing, but also being played, by each other, by our feelings, by our lust, by destiny that tore us appart just to get us back to each other, by angels of death that threatens our mere existence, by demons of sins that we were longing for.
You caught me off guard even tho I knew I always belonged to you, and therefore, always returned to you. The way you held both my hands by only one of yours, the way I let you take control, the way you drunk me in, like I was some kind of holy grail, the way I submitted my body and soul to the devilish monster in you, to the innocent angel in you. All of it made us want the sin we're so deeply in even more, and the knowledge of how forbidden the fruit we were trying to eat was, made it on a whole new level of tastiness. I craved the way I felt when your hands roamed over my body, not quite touching it just yet, as you longed for the power my shaking form gave you when I so willingly gave you my all, or wasn't I that willing..
I could almost feel your hands taking off my dress in one swift move, but my high state stopped it as I couldn't find any resistance in me. Your eyes were almost begging, no demanding, for this night to be perfect, so we can have it in both us to carry on without each other, this time hopefully without any symptoms of addiction's withdrawal, because that's what we were, still are, addicts to each other.
You whimpered when my cold hands got under your shirt, and you almost took them away like every other time, but you knew that would trigger my ego, and you, no we, couldn't afford to do that, not that night anyways. You even helped me take your shirt off, but couldn't look me in the eye after that for quit a while, not even when my hands were struggling with your caramel colored leather belt. You were the one to open it however, because you thought your eyes locked on my eyes would take all common sense out of my brain, and it did, I couldn't command my hands to work anymore, I couldn't make any part of my body to cooperate with me but my tongue who so voluntarily run itself to wet my lower lip, hoping it shows you how much I'm craving you, even if it disgusts me, even if we disgust me, even if I disgust me.
The tension in the air made it hard for our lungs to function, but even so, you kept bringing me even closer to you, and I kept wanting our bodies to become more united, more synchronized, more, just more...
You didn't wanna let me take off your pants just yet, because you wanted to wait a tad bit more, you wanted to make us go crazier than we already were, to punish us for all the time we spent without each other, to make us suffer, to make us beg, to make me beg, and I did, my lord I did, ever so silently...
I remember how I felt when you played with every single part of my body, how you cherished every curve, how you claimed every inch. I remember how I made your usually motionless poker face show feeling, how you told me that I looked beautiful after you smeared all my makeup, how you obsessively sniffed me right after tucking all my hair behind my ears as it kept getting in your way,  how you tore off my necklace when it annoyed me to death by getting between our lips, how you grinned in victory when you made my eyes roll to the back of my head using only your fingers, how you hissed and gripped my hair while I only focused on you, how you were tracing my features while our movements rhymed, how you gripped my waist so tight when you thought I couldn't handle you anymore, how you silently cursed after looking down at me while your hand was enveloping my precious neck, how your fingers pushed into my flesh to make me feel all the pain I was giving you, how you stopped all motion, held my hand and gently caress my lips with your own when you felt the line between my pain and pleasure starting to fade, how you shut my mouth when I couldn't keep my jolts of ecstasy silent anymore, how proud I was when I heard you groan my name as you gave me all your warmth and made it linger in me even after you completely left my body, how  sweaty we were after our bodies' temperature dropped, how  fucking romantic was that long last kiss we shared before going together to the dream world.
Fun fact, the details of that night were still blurry even days after, maybe due to the high concentration of dopamine and adrenaline I had in my system, or maybe it was just my mind's reaction to protect me from loosing my mind to its memory, knowing we'll never be able to create a new one, I don't know if it's one of those, or both, or more, but I ended up stopping the trying, the crying for help, the pleading to my mind to remember, and I just accepted the poetic side of the choice my brain made for me, to remember the looks not the eyes, the voice but not the words, the taste but not the body and the feelings not the actions.
And yet, sometimes, in the warmth of my bed, or the coldness of my car, I travel to that night to make me forget all those nights I spend without you. And I try to think about it every now and then, not just to get high, but also to keep the memory alive, since I never want 'us' to die, it's too perfect to, we're too perfect, ... , we were too perfect for the universe not get jealous, in fact, maybe, just maybe that's why we didn't last.

Hello again, well here's the second one, I wasn't feeling good so this is where I came, I'm lost between whether I wanna start feeling good or do I wanna finish this first, tell me what you think ❤️