bottle seven, heart races and stopes...slows down and jumps up.
Theres no logic or string thought process that went through, juust me just writing,...
honestly how the tone changes and feel is solely on my shuffle playlist(playlist 2, Spotify, beats headphones....yep i took it that far :v bruuhhh) set to a melancholy playlist, selective "feels", "not within anyone's spectrum songs...
ill never see it as your own faults or errors within you, ill mummer but not valid enough for me to scream out...ill speak, whilst you speak, cause wow your points are valid went a long way but not my way. I'm sorry..to everyone I'm trying to hear you but I'm sorry the "i know myself" clouds your point... always does, true, unbelievable, but resultant is I'm sorry
at the end, painfully pitifully and selfishly ill double evaluate my role...my part...my...
ill always look within me cause thats the best human i know in all the moments...quiet...loud..sentimental..all moments that the human i know...the human I'm always right about...or am I?
(wow dog ads Spotify) or am I? I mean people see so much more, but i really cant this is the brutal truth, this is me...smoke break...Francis and the light, shit feels don't leave..ahh the bass...ok lemme carry on.
thats who i know, not any other human but me, and others? i believer what they tell me...
i feel...but is that adequate to reality?
i feel...a burst of relief, a burst of this feels different, sense of hardship Im willing to face *skips "blood orange"...actually nvm its the song "time will tell"...still within feels
i feel eye-bags filled with tears solute with emotions and head nods as product, the feeling you get on a song...this is not who i wanna hurt by my actions ,by my....by....*sigh* but i will by what I say or my actions wont i?...
i want, i need to show you the type of love we both prayed for, the human you said "you the person i prayed for".. to show you that indeed you were not wrong i am that...
not show you so as to feed my fear of failure or your reality but who i really am
someday you'll see it's not for our benefit but, again, selfishly, draped in belief, for you to feed what you felt towards me in your deepest quest of removing your doubt for me, for us for it all, regardless how long it takes.
Considering all I've been through and things I've done, I wish those propelled me to a place whereby i could want the answers to my reality and that what and I want wasn't detrimental to what i deserve, to what defies and disrespect what i should could call out, but it does.
that just how it has been
how it will always be like
so I'm sorry... for who I've been who i am who i will be
sorry to myself, all those who are spectators with a glimpse of hope all will clear those who know my actions better than my intentions, vice versa
I'm sorry.
not a cry for help, not a reaction, just a fresh breath of air... a reminder to this time, where i was today now this instantaneous moment... for growth, for coping for me.
kay
YOU ARE READING
My Soliloquy Disgruntled With Love
Poetryin search for the inevitable Paz felicidad amor
