Aching Passion

Chapter 1

Waking again, feeling that burning inside of me. I swallowed. The feeling overtaking me, doing my best to push out the thoughts. To push out the temptations I so desperately desired.

I shivered, pulling the sheets close to me, trying to ignore it. Trying to ignore the feelings again.

"You're making good progress, Eva..." my therapist said. "You're learning control."

But I don't feel like I'm doing enough. It's so hard sometimes, it hurts in a way. I feel like I should know better, I feel like I should be stronger.

I don't feel like anyone understands. Even my therapist seems to be telling me textbook ideas to resist.

I turned over, looking to my nightstand. In the dark, I could make out the familiar shape of my phone. My hand twitched under the sheets. I almost reached forward, almost grabbed it.

I can do this... I thought. I can get away from my wants...

But can I?

Before I knew it, I had turned over and picked up my phone. The brightness blinded me, making me shy away from the pain in my retinas.

I swallowed, watching my hands unlock it and open my contacts once they had adjusted. My thumb hovered over the starred contact for my therapist. I hesitated, knowing what I should do. I should call them, get help to walk me through this.

I shivered, feeling myself burn inside. The heavy blankets felt cold, far too cold... And I didn't believe I could get through tonight alone...

As though my hand wasn't in my control, I was scrolling through my contacts. I found the one I wanted quickly. I shivered again, thinking about it. I hesitated, feeling that pause I always do. But I can't deny... He knows what it's like, at least, to be so different. To be scorned from society, in a way.

And he always makes me feel so safe.

The small tap of my finger sent the phone to a new screen. It shifted to a new color, and a clock began counting the seconds after I had clicked "call."

I slid the phone under my head, tucking myself in on my body. I tried my best to prepare myself for his voice, closing my eyes and trying to pretend I was ready.

A quiet click sounded on the other line, and I swallowed.

"Good evening, my darling friend." said the voice I was dreading.

I felt myself aching even more, desperate for relief. I kept my eyes closed, gripping my arm tightly, trying to keep myself from doing something I'd regret.

"Good evening, S-Stefano..." I murmured.

"Do I sense some discomfort in your voice?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to wake you, but I..."

"Don't apologize, I was up quite late working on my newest project."

"O-oh, I... I... Don't think I can make it through tonight alone..."

"Would you like to come over, my friend?"

"If... If you're not busy, yes please... Please don't let me pressure you, I jus--"

"You are not forcing me. I am always excited for your company." He paused for a moment. "I'll finish what I'm doing. Make your way over on your own time. Is there anything you are craving tonight?"

"I... I don't know. Maybe some red wine? I just want to spend some time with you..."

His heavenly chuckle sounded through the phone. I shuddered, trying not to lose my mind.

"I'll be waiting for you, then, my sweet." His tone slipped lower, and I could almost see his smile as he spoke.

The line clicked off, and I removed it from my ear. I curled my toes, trying to summon the strength to get up and get dressed. After a few minutes, I managed to sit up. I instantly felt cold, desperate. I shifted more, trying to push away the thoughts for long enough.

I slid off my regular pajamas, whimpering slightly as the fabric moved over my skin. I slipped my favorite lingerie on, shivering slightly from how much colder it was. I pulled on some regular clothes delicately, almost worried it might tear the delicate fabrics.

I walked out of my house, after grabbing my purse and phone. I walked out to my car, feeling a small smile cross my face.