I stared at the bottom of my glass, this sickening feeling came over me as always, loneliness. Too powerful to control, and the only person who could take that feeling away left me years ago, eleven to be exact.
The bar was rather crowded, people dancing, some drunk guy groping a chair, people laughing and drinking, then there was me. I sat alone with a glass of water, yes water, any alcoholic beverage would just make the void that was occupying my chest even bigger and more powerful. Also I had to drive home and I wouldn't want to risk getting a DIU.
A guy entered the bar, his head was down as if he had been beaten, or maybe he was just crying, it was hard to tell. When he lifted his head up to look at me I was met with a familiar pair of honey coloured orbs, they instantly filled with hope as they met my dull brown ones.
"Brendon" Ryan exclaimed as he sat down next to me, or attempted to sit down next to me. He ended up just plopping himself down on my lap, not that I was complaining...
"Hi Ryan it's uhm, well it's been a while" I said and scratched my neck.
"I missed you Brendon" he said and went off my lap and onto the chair next to me.
"It's hard you know... I choose to leave but I've regretted the decision since the second I made it, aren't I pathetic" he chuckled.
"Don't you think it's hard for me" I tried to say but it came out as a whisper as my throat got clogged with that feeling of wanting to cry but not being able to.
"You just, one day you weren't there, and I, I kept playing every memory I had of you in my head, trying to figure out what made you leave me" I didn't care that I said leave me instead of leave the band.
"You know why I left Brendon, or I thought you knew" Ryan said staring into my eyes
"Isn't that what the line in this is gospel is about?"
I just stared at him, not able to comprehend what he had just said.
"If you love me let me go" Ryan continued still staring at me with his eyes wide
"I thought you knew" he whispered
"Ryan I... no I, you?" I couldn't form words, my head was spinning and my chest felt tight around my thin body.
Ryan just nodded, looked at me one more time and then went towards the exit of the bar. I ran after him, of course, because what else would I do, he just, or at least I think he did, confessed his love to me, or former love.
"I loved you too you know!" I shouted after him as we both got outside.
"I still do, I never stopped, the pain never stopped, Ryan please make it stop hurting so bad!" I pleaded as tears formed in my eyes and rolled down my flushed cheeks
"I've always loved you, it was always you Ryan, always" I whispered, I don't think he heard me.
"Brendon I can't, we can't." Ryan kneeled down next to where I was sobbing on the ground.
"We never could" he said as his voice cracked in a painful way, like when you're about to break down into tears.
"But what if I want to" I said not looking up from where I was staring at the ground
"Bren..." he pleaded but I think he knew that I wouldn't stop
"It just hurts so much" I was coughing out the words at this point, my stomach suddenly contracted and the content of it was spilled out on the ground. I hated throwing up, it just made me cry even harder.
"Brendon" was all Ryan respondes with before he picked me off of the ground, I was sobbing into his chest as I cling onto him as a koala. Holding him again, he holding me again, it made the pain go away for just a second, like a small spark of hope enlightening my body.
I don't remember more of the night
I woke up in a bed I didn't recognise, this was bad, did I sleep with someone?
I saw someone sleeping on a mattress on the floor, his honey eyes were closed and streaks of tears were running down his face.
"Ryan?" I asked and sat up in what I assumed was Ryan's bed.
"I still love you too, I never stopped loving you" Ryan said with a crooked smile.
I rolled off the bed and sat down in Ryan's lap, his eyes were so beautiful, so pretty...
He kissed me, I kissed back, the pain was gone, and I hope forever
Requests please cuz I don't have any ideas
