I can't do this anymore

Me, you, the knife

I sit here dragging a knife along my veins
My blood gently falls from my arm to the cold tile floor
I keep doing this to feel alive, now I don't even want that anymore.
The interesting thing about the internet is that everyone can see you, and they still won't have any idea who you are
I could be the guy sitting next to you when you buy a coffee, I could be the kid sitting behind you in calculus, hell, I could live next door to you. Do you ever stop and think about that?
I'm getting off topic, I'm dying of uncertainty, well technically blood loss, but still, I don't know what happened, I can never know what was going through you're mind. That hurts more than anything I could ever do to myself.
If you happen to know who I am and you're reading this then I'm sorry. You deserved more than I could ever give you. I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm bleeding. I'm crying. I'm dying. Is this what you felt? I just passed out, it's been about an hour and a half since I started writing this. I didn't think dying could be so interesting, It's an entirely new wave of emotions that hit all at once. I feel pain, fear, happiness, hated, rage, confusion, It's really a terrible feeling. Look long story short, you may very well be reading my last words, I can't think of anything meaningful or deep to say, I could apologize but what good would that do? I wrote a note,
It's laying next to me, do you want to know what it says?

I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry dad, you need to stay strong, for me. Hannah, I know you're too young to understand this, but I'm in a better place now, I love you so much, I hope you can forgive me for this, you deserved a much better brother than me, Levi hang in there little guy- I'm sure you are going to grow up into a great man, you need to help mommy through this okay? She needs someone to get her though this. Chris, I've told you I love you, told you I hate you, ignored you, we've fought more than Id like to admit but I'm really glad you came into our lives. Pap- what can I say- you raised me, you were my greatest teacher and you were my best friend, I love you so much, I know that I can never make this right, I'm scared pap, I don't know what's ahead if it's heaven or hell, I hope you can forgive me. Pamma- I am sorry, I am so sorry, it's going to be alright,

That was me last night, I'm alive, if you call this living, I'm sorry I can't paint a picture with words like some of you can. Can I say anything to justify what I did last night? Can I just walk away from that?
Hang in there