Sanders School for the Performing Arts *on hiatus*

Duets and Jealousy

a/n i am very sorry. this chapter is very very very bad but I wanna post something because this story is #15 in analogical somehow. 

Warnings: Remus, religious talks, terrible writing, lots of time skips

Virgil was sprawled out on the couch. Their legs were thrown over the back of the sofa, lying upside down, although they weren't tall enough for their head to touch the floor. They were watching Friends reruns as Janus was playing on their phone, occasionally glancing up at the TV. Remy was asleep, his head on Virgil's stomach and legs on Janus' lap, his sunglasses still on his face. Remus slid into the room,

"GAYS! I just had a thought!"

"Good for you"

"Oh, I didn't know you could do that"

"Satan was framed!"

Janus raised an eyebrow, "what?"

"I'm intrigued, go on" Virgil chuckled

"Okay so! I reason that: If God exists then they must be a Woman because the universe is too fucking organised for a guy to have made it. Then I reason that an omnipotent God would realise they are not limited to being female and could morph as an enby however they want. Therefore, I reason that a female God would, as a power move, give themself a massive dick. This dick would be omnipotent and omniscient and omnipresent as God would be. Therefore, I reason that the serpent in the Garden of Eden that persuaded Eve to eat the apple from the forbidden fruit tree was Female God's dick because it would take a true woman-woman heart to heart convo to trick Eve into disobeying God. Therefore, it was in fact NOT Satan, Lucifer, The Devil, whatever, who tempted Adam and Eve, but God's own penis."

Janus just froze. He was thinking about how he fell for this trash rat. While Virgil burst out laughing,

"I applaud you, you are a true genius" Virgil managed to say between laughs as Janus just looked dead, "OH! So, you know how some people say 'it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'. Well, Steve Jobs helped to create Apple, and what's the Apple logo?? An apple with a bite out of it. Therefore, I conclude that the bible is very fucking gay. There was no Eve, it was Steve, he was the one who took a bite out of the forbidden apple and fucked Adam" Virgil said, feeding off of Remus' madness

"HOLY SHIT THEN Steve was reincarnated centuries later and founded Apple in order to leave a hint!" Remus shouted

"YES! That's it we're starting our own religion or version of the bible!"

The two continued to go back and forth with their stupid conspiracy theories as Janus sat there trying not to kill them both. Somehow Remy slept through it all.

~~~

"Please!"

"No."

"Please, Virgil!"

"No, now fuck off"

"Please please please please please ple—"

"Oh my god, you're worse than Remus! The more you pester me, the less likely I am to do it!" Virgil crossed their arms and continued walking towards the café where they were meeting up with Remy and Emile

"Virgil please!" Roman dragged out the last word, "ever since I saw the movie I've wanted to recreate that iconic scene and now I finally have a friend who can do it with me. Granted you're not the person I would choose to perform it with but you're all I've got"

"Gee thanks, you're a real charmer, Roman. And besides, you do know that you can't do all of the moves they do in real life, right? It's movie magic"