Falling to Flying

Prologue

I clenched my fists resting in my lap.

"May you bless this family and comfort them during this time of difficulty..."

I blocked out the rest of the Pastor's words. I didn't want to hear him recite his practiced sermon with his forced expression of sympathy. He didn't know. No one knew.

I clenched my fists again.

I felt a hand slip into one of my hands and squeeze it reassuringly. I looked up to see the soft look of my best friend's green eyes.

"We are almost done, just a little longer."

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe slowly through my nose and ignore the tightening that was growing in my chest.

"May she rest in your arms now O Lord, for she is with you and peacefully..."

I stood up abruptly and began looking around frantically for the nearest exit. I felt Melissa tug on my arm, "Not now, Ana. Don't-"

She was cut off by the desperate tug I gave my arm while I began shuffling towards the door. I heard blood rushing to my ears when I started moving my legs as quickly as I could while ignoring the accusing stares I felt burning on the back of my head.

"Ana!" I heard my father whisper angrily. "Get back to your seat right now. This isn't the time for one of your episodes," he spat in my face. I pushed my dark hair out of my eyes and mustered the courage to look at him.

"Let me out. I can't- I can't be here," I choked. I glanced at my older brother and saw his pitiful look of understanding. It didn't help my defenses against the dam that was threatening to spill from my eyes.

"You go back up to your seat and sit your ass down," his voice was colored red and his shoulders still blocked my way. I glanced around nervously at the audience we were attracting and closed my eyes wishing I could be anywhere but here. Anywhere accept here.

"Let me out." I hissed.

"If you walk out this door you're walking out of this family," he threatened. My throat closed as I realized what he was saying.

"Dad-"my brother began to protest.

"Shut up, Justin. This is Anabelle's decision," he said my name is if it was a parasite and I was its host. I could hear the pastor still speaking and felt the cold stares on my back.

"Fine." I nearly shoved my father out of the way and watched my black dress sway with every step I took. There was mumbled cussing and a crazed shout of "You're a disappointment! She's dead because of you! DEAD!" With the sounds the church doors closing and what I guessed was Justin wresting my father back inside, I broke into a sprint.

I pumped my arms and lifted my legs until it felt like I was flying across the pavement. My dark brown hair whipped around my face as ran, my breathing ragged from the sobs that were tumbling out of my mouth.

I couldn't be there, not when it was my fault.

So I ran. I weaved between the Minneapolis traffic and the dark buildings that seemed to be taunting me trying to get to the parking lot that was a few blocks down. I felt wetness on my cheek and let out a humorless laugh when rain began falling down.

"Fuck," I cursed with a hoarse whisper. Soon I couldn't tell if it was my tears or the rain that had smudged my makeup to make me resemble a raccoon. I'm sure I looked like a crazed, but well-dressed, homeless person as I continued stumbling my way to my car. My hands were shaking as I tried to unlock my car, but the keys slipped from my wet grip and I couldn't help but let all of my self-control fall with them.

With an angry noise that flew from my lips, I began hitting the hood of my car while mumbling a very distraught, "Why, why why?" under my breath. After a moment of recollection, I let out a shuddering breath before standing up straight and successfully unlocking my door. I let myself in before shoving the heals of my palms in my eyes, trying to focus on the stinging on my left hand rather than the deep aching in my chest.

I was officially alone and a coward for leaving her funeral.

It should have never been her. It was my fault. I caused my mom's death.