LOOSING THE VIBE
Its been a pretty crazy ride
A ride that thrilled me so much
Yet drained my vibes.
Got nothing left on me
Got people fucked on me.
I miss the person I was
Or maybe I don’t miss the person
I just miss my vibe.
Sometimes the decision you make, takes away all of you. Whether in terms of personality, your vibes, your ability to control emotions.
If you’ve spent more than half of your life trying to hide emotions as much as possible to the point where you yourself consider yourself as a heartless or emotionless person even then you’ll be trapped in this word ‘’ emotions ‘’. Crazy isn’t it? Always being the tough one and now you’ll cry even after seeing a mild emotional Instagram compilation. The buildup of emotions since childhood maybe leads to this and it’s a real fucked up thing.
Sometimes there’s just too much to say but you’ve got no one to listen? Or maybe you just can’t pour your heart in front of anyone from the idea of being JUDGED? Or maybe some of your decisions just can’t let you, be you? Or maybe you’re just done with listening ‘why did you go for it in the first place’? Or maybe you’re done with the fact that speaking out matters? How about combining all these? Ever wonder where they all would lead to? It leads to the place where its just you and no one else. You deal with everything yourself. You want to shout your lungs out but it’s like a dungeon in the middle of an island which is surrounded by water on all its four sides.
You scroll through your contacts list and there’s everyone you love and some love you back but instead of just a tap to call you turn your phone off and sleep? You remind yourself of all the memories and still couldn’t bribe yourself to be that you once again. You play Sage by RITVIZ and lose yourself just at “bistar adhoori toh kaise soya jaye na? ‘’. You make sure the people you love are at peace but you wouldn’t bother to check the chaos in your head. You feel embarrassed about yourself? You feel shamed by the person you are today. Your circle is small but still feels big? You’ve got insecurities so much that they lead you to this phase in life?
Despite being everything mentioned above YOURE STILL THE JOLLIEST PERSON people know?
Call it brave. Call it strong. Call it a mental illness.
I Hope no one ever feels this way.
I Hope things didn’t build this way.
I Hope I get a way through this.
