Headshrinker

Chapter 15

After deciding Noel would be a philosophy student I tried to imagine what the rest of the band would choose to study. I was trying to distance myself but I still thought about them. Sports Journalism felt right for Guigsy. Bonehead would probably enjoy Engineering. Liam would take Performance Arts. Tony would take Business. They were never going to be students but it was fun to think about when I was missing them or when lectures got boring. Sometimes it felt like I'd fleshed out whole lives for them that they'd never have.

...

The buzzer went while I was making tea. I ignored it, assuming it was for someone else. I didn't want to interrupt making my food when it wasn't for me. I usually ended up answering straight away because the buzzing was so irritating. They kept buzzing increasingly impatient until I answered. I didn't think we knew anyone that annoying. No one that knew where I lived.

Liam was the one causing the commotion. I actually wasn't surprised to find it was him, he liked everything to happen yesterday. I got him inside and in the kitchen so I could get back to the cooking.

"I've been thinking..."

"Don't do that, your head'll hurt." I was in such a bitchy mood, everyone was getting it. I could blame it on the hormones but it wasn't that, I just wasn't a people person very often. I also didn't want to see him so there was that too.

"Oi! Listen. I know who's baby it is." he said in a gossiping tone.

I shushed him, pointing out that there were others living here. He was so loud and the walls were paper thin. He knew I didn't want it shouted about but he just couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"It's Tony, innit?" he said, proud of his theory.

"That's why you wanted him that day, to tell him." he continued when I didn't say anything. "When did you have a go with him? Didn't know you liked him that much."

"Exactly, when did I fuck Tony McCarroll? He did not get me pregnant because we've never done anything like that." I responded almost angrily, like I was disgusted at the idea.

"Alright! Don't protest too much."

"I'm not. I did tell him, alright? I told him because he saw I had a pregnancy test ready to take, in my bag and I didn't have anyone else to turn to when I'd done it. It's not an easy thing to tell people."

"What about the father?"

I suddenly caught a whiff of my cooking. "Look after those pans for me. Please" I asked before I had to take off to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't throw up in front of him. It was awful when the morning sickness was randomly set off like that.

I didn't want to go back to him and even more questioning now he saw that happen but I couldn't stay in the bathroom forever.

"You alright?" he asked when I got back, he pointed out that he'd plated my meal and put it on the table.

"Fine, but I don't want that anymore, food aversions." I sat down, frustrated.

"What?"

"I'm trying to carry on eating as normal since I don't really eat anything on the avoid list but it makes me sick before I've even tried to eat it."

"That's mad. Why is that a thing when you're meant to be eating for two?!"

"I don't know but I don't want it. You can have it."

"No. You need to eat."

"I can't eat it, if you're not having it, I'm binning it."

"I'll eat half if you have half."