In The Dark (Sequel To Light) -Clementine/Louis, Clouis, Louisentine

Chapter 21

Notes:

This note is going to be very long, and I apologise in advance for that.
I know what you're thinking! "You've had all quarantine to get the final chapter out, this sure has taken a long time!", but I have an excuse!
No, seriously. And it's because of the quarantine, actually. And, would you believe it, writing!
So, basically, early into the quarantine I started to notice my breathing was... Off. Nothing major, just a kind of weird feeling in my chest at the end of my exhale. 'Oh well', I thought. 'It'll probably go away after a few days.'
Wrong. But, before you worry, it's not coronavirus! Or, at least I don't think it was. I haven't been tested, so you never know. Anyway, few days go past, and it's starting to effect my sleep. My chest feels... Kind of tight.
Then, my whole chest starts to feel weird. Then, it starts to feel like there's something wrong with my heart. It's not beating right. I feel like I need to rip my chest open to get enough space for my heart to beat properly. Two weeks of this hell go by. I haven't been sleeping properly, if at all. Now, I'm actually getting sharp pains. I've completely lost my appetite. Now, it's all I can think about during the day, during the night. Nothing but 'somethings wrong.'

So, 111 is called, which for those of you not in the UK, it's the number you call for when something's wrong but you're not sure if it's an emergency. I tell them my symptoms, and they send out an ambulance.
Did you know the symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks are startlingly similar to a heart attack? Coz I sure didnt. I'm fine, as it turns out. Blood pressure fine, pulse fine, ECG fine. Everything fine. All of this was brought on by stress and anxiety. The paramedics asked me if there's anything creative I like doing that can help keep me calm. I mentioned I like to write, and then they asked me if that helps me to stay calm, or if it stresses me out.
Honestly? Yes, it does. I love writing, but MAN do I stress over it. 'Is this the right word to use, have I used this word too many times, have I put in enough description, have I put in TOO much description, would this character say this, would their body language be like this'... Yeah, you get the idea.
So, they advised I take a break from writing for a while. Try and find other things to help keep me calm, take my mind off my worries. Hell, they even recommended cannabis oil to me. (The legal kind, of course.). Even now, I have to keep the tv on during the night, or I wake up with my heart pounding and feeling like I cant breathe. Fun!

I'm going on about this too much. Anyway, I've finally got to a point where I felt like I could write again. And I so wanted to finish this, being the last chapter and all. So finally, FINALLY, here we are.

* * *

A few weeks later

* * *

It would be a lie to say everything had gone back to normal. It couldn't, really. She could say that everyone had gone back to the way they were, but the fact of the matter is that trust is not easy to come by anymore.

How could it? After all that had happened? The memories of Nathan that will always live on as nightmares in their sleep-addled minds...After a while, you start to question whether it's really worth trusting another human being again.

Then again, that's not all that fair to say. Deep down, she knows that not every person is like that. There are still good people out there. Those that still dream of bringing society back to the way it once was. After all, if she becomes that person that refuses to trust another, there's nothing stopping her from becoming the very people she despises.

Still, it's no use lamenting about all that had happened, of the good people that were lost, and some... not so good, but that doesn't take away the bond they had formed, even under false pretenses. Nor does it take away the sting of betrayal.