Sorry....

Here's the truth.....

It took two weeks for me to throw away over ten years of friendship.
Everything I valued in the friendship I lost including myself.
Fear is a wicked phobia; it hits you at your weak point. Anxiety, loss of reasoning, overthinking things, all ties in when FEAR appears.
Within two weeks I started a journey which I tried to avoid, the past comes rushing in and the present comes to confront it.
Four months today is like yesterday for me, the word SPACE had my heading spinning, and my world upside down.
Two Weeks of the past had LIES on top of LIES running down the road. How can I escape from this damage than to tell another Lie?
With a regrettable heart, it sounds like the raging rain pouring down on the roof, the vicious and malicious Lies have damaged the core of my friendship, I sunk into depression for weeks, the smell of food seemed like poison to my hungry stomach, the constant headaches and segregation of my friends seemed like the world ceased to exist for me.
Reflecting on the two weeks had me stop to think why I had Lied, was it to draw attention to myself? My life seemed to have bungled into a drum rolling down a hill which can only be stopped with forgiveness at the bottom of the hill.
Two weeks, the words from a loyal friend "give me SPACE let me breathe" rattled the core of my sanity. Frustration and confusion tortured my mind when the word SPACE was asked of me. A word that proceeded with tears enough to make the ocean looks small and the rivers overflow. The constant pounding headaches and anxiety led me to develop a story created just for my friend's attention.
Two weeks had a promise broken which could have been avoided, a trust that has now been taken away, and a friend who doesn't want to listen to a broken man. Who will hold my hand through this dark and perilous road? Darkness and lonesome seem to attack me from all sides of this dark journey.
Each morning you would awaken me with your dulcet, golden voice, followed by your memes and jokes throughout the day. Then we spend the nights knowing and comforting each other because of the miles that separate us.
How can I reach you to say I'm sorry for the damage I have caused you, a heavy and broken heart you may have suffered within your beautiful soul? There is so much pain that heaven will have to help us heal.
Feeling down, broken-hearted and alone, hurt from the pain and the emptiness that dwells deep inside me. The days are dark with a gloom too heavy to see. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time.
Support from a caring person is not something that can be bought. Being oneself, and truly understanding what life can hold can only come through the bond that was created over ten years ago.
Therapy may seem to be the only solution to the pain I have to bear, someday, prayers will be answered and my voice will be heard once more for the reason our friendship is worth fighting for.....