Polpo adventures

Polpo falls from heavan

"Aw shit god, really? I just got here!" Polpo complained to God, who was kicking him out of heaven due to him not being allowed into heaven for being an evil gangster who gave lighters to 15 year olds
"Fuck yea dude. You're a sinner now go away you are a meanie." God said and insulted Polpo.

Polpo gasped and began crying. How dare god insult him like that! He walked to the edge of heaven and looked back at God
"Fine god, I'll just jump!" Polpo said while ugly crying. Everyone else proceeded to laugh at Polpo began he had a booger bubble and his mascara was all messed up now
Polpo then jumped, and landed on Earth, "Ah yes, Earth. I lob you." He then proceeded to make our aggressively with the dirt.
"Ewwweeweweweweeeeew" Polpo said and spit out the dirt. He saw some bananas on sale and suddenly got Vietnam flashbacks despite not even being in Vietnam.
"Scary banana! Aaaaa!" Polpo yelled and ran into the town. He gasped and realized that everything was different. There was no longer a 15 person rivalry for who had the best Heroin prices! It just now just a 15 person rivalry for who had the best Maracas! This made Polpo VERY happy.
"haha Giorno is a butthead but he sure knows how to run a mafia" Polpo belly laughed and bought maracas from everyone, "I'm supporting local businesses." Polpo thought to himself out loud. The maraca vendors thanked him and Polpo make the maracas into a hula skirt. He then put on the maraca hula skirt and continued his adventure.
"Oh no I have no house!" Polpo gasped and started crying because he lived in a jail but he didn't live there anymore.
"It's okay. There's no shame in suicide." A stranger walked up to Polpo and patted him on the shoulder. Gasp! It was the author! Polpo continued crying because a stranger thought he was going to kill himself
"Shit man, I'm sorry I didn't know. Here, have some plot armor and a time skip." The author apologized and hugged Polpo. The author also have Polpo the keys to a grab new 2005 Honda, along with the key to a tiny, yet overpriced apartment in the bad part of town! Yay Polpo!

———Time Skip because I promised Polpo———

"damn my house sucks. I miss being an evil gangster." Polpo sighed and began making a lego city for him to be an evil gangster in. He set up little figures that were painted like people he knew. Polpo gasped and realized that he had mixed Lego sets together! Now that was a sin that even Polpo felt bad for committing!
Polpo began crying but then stopped because he didn't want to mess up his eyeliner. He then made himself super hot and ripped as a lego figure. He gave his Lego self a gun, but he was then interrupted by a knock at the door
"Hello?" Polpo asked and walked over to his door, which had a PP spray painted onto it. He opened the door and realized that it was his good frisks! Banana Dopio!
"Screw you Banana Dopio! You didn't come to my funeral!" Polpo screamed at him and cried without shutting the door. Banana Dopio also cried! Polpo was even more upset because Banana Dopio was crying!
"Hey! This is MY sad time! Not yours stupid idiot poo poo head" Polpo said and slammed the door in Banana Dopio's face. He cried all the way over to his lego set, which took over most of his apartment which had to furniture, and it just had a single picture of Selena Gomez, his irl anime waifu.
Polpo made himself a Lego Selena Gomez. He put her next to his Legosona and made them hold hand while he was an evil gangster in his Lego City, "Ah. The life of an evil gangster who died by getting shot with a banana, and also gives lighters to 15 year olds." Polpo sighed happily and reminisced about his life
"You know what? Fuck this, I'm starting over. No mafia, no being an evil gangster, just being a regular person. I'll even start working out, and I'll take off my ridiculous hat." Polpo said proudly as he stood up and took the gun away from his Lego self. He ate the gun because he didn't read the choking hazard on the boxes. Suddenly, Polpo's head was wet!
"Huh?" Polpo was very confused. He then realized that his hat was crying because it got called ridiculous. Polpo took off his hat to reveal long, luxurious locks as he spooned his hat on the ground and comforted it
"Shhhhh no it's okay baby I didn't mean it. I swear! I love you darling don't take it so personally." Polpo rocked back and forth and proceeded to pet his hat. This was a very wholesome moment, and then Polpo began in to fall asleep. He could sleep, because Banana Dopio was still outside his door, crying. Polpo didn't like this, so he stood up and walked over to the door. He opened it and ate Banana Dopio.
"haha yeah that's what you get for messing with a not-so-evil not-gangster, you stupid banana!" Polpo laughed happily and continued to spoon and cuddle his hat. Polpo fell asleep, and dreamed of being a normal person and doing taxes and doing other normal people things. Like going to the grocery store and having brunch. Okay maybe not brunch, and definitely not going to a book club. Because all book clubs are ran by evil gangsters, and Polpo wanted to stay away from that now
"Mmmmm... bowling. That's fun." Polpo mumbled to himself as he dreamed about bowling with his new not gangster friends who weren't named after Italian foods. Their bowling team name was something cheesy, but Polpo liked it. He also likes his new life with his new friends that weren't gangsters or drug dealers.

———Author's Note———
Imma be fr. This was easy as hell to write and I'm kinda nervous to post it. I hope y'all enjoy it, give me suggestions on what Polpo should do next, or where he should visit.
Arriverderci, my friends!

1041 words
1 hr30 mins
6 braincells