Finding Solace

XLI

My hand slipped dejectedly from the knob falling to my side, fist clenched as I tried to keep myself together. My confession hung in the air, deafening in the silence. It was quiet, too quiet. The once warm atmosphere turned stale and cold, making their silence that much more unwelcoming.

"I-I understand if you don't want me here anymore. I-I," I paused before another sob leave my lips. "I can leave if you want me to."

"Why don't we," she approached me, placing  her hands on my shoulders, urging me back into the house. "discuss this before we jump to anything. Is that okay?" I peered up at her, my vision disrupted by my dark stands of hair that helped me conceal my face. I have a small nob to her suggestion and she gave a small, closed mouth smile. Although she offered some normality, her eyes didn't hold the same brightness, now dulled and held something else, something I couldn't identify.

I kept my head down after that, following the trio into the kitchen. Sitting down, I avoided sitting in my normal place, rather, I chose one of the vacant ones of the absent brothers, distancing myself from them. Noise was still at a minimum, other than the slight rustling from the kitchen, to which a steaming cup of tea was place in front of me.

Whilst I kept my head down, I felt their heavy eyes on me, waiting for my next move. My eyes trained onto the steam that was emitting from the hot beverage, almost using it as an excuse to not look at them. I couldn't bare to lift my head. I didn't want to see their judgement looks or disgusted sneers poorly hidden by blank faces.

"I don't really know how to say this." I whispered, finally breaking the heavy silence.

"Just take your time." Mrs. Somers' voice was still as soothing as every, offering support from a distance. "We're here to listen." I slowly nodded, taking in her words which gave me a bit of courage.

"My parents are very wealthy and prominent people in the business world." I finally started. "We lived in an area in which you were constantly judged by how much money you had. The more you had, the more respect you were given." I picked at one of my nails beneath the table.
"I didn't care about money. The people were snobs and didn't care how you acted. They only looked at dollar signs And because  of this, I didn't have many friends. Those who did approach me just wanted something from me and the rest just made fun of me for not wearing designer things." My hands shook and my leg bounced from beneath the table. Memories that I had suppressed for year immersed, hitting me at full force. 

"Do you need a second?" Mrs. Somers' asked and I shook my head.

"When it was time for me to go to high school, I finally convinced my parents to transfer me into a public school, in hopes that I would meet different people in public school. Whilst money was still a reoccurring issue, it was much more mellow. It was there where I met a few people." I wanted to smile and cry at the thought of them.

"Paisley, Cora and Analia. While I only had three friends, we were all close and did everything together all throughout high school." A stray tear slipped and I quickly wiped it away.

"I was valedictorian. I was able to go to any college I wanted. Analia, was only a bit behind me and was salutatorian. I was offered a scholarship to her dream school and I knew she was upset by it but didn't say much." Her name tasted sour on my tongue.

"At the end of the year, Seniors were released a week early and we decided to go camping. Paisley's grandfather had a cabin in Pennsylvania, which was a few hours drive from the Hamptons. So, we made our way over and when we got there, the road that led up to the cabin was blocked off by a metal fence. We decided to park the car and hike up, since it was only a few miles away." I took in a shakily breath.