Dearest Cousin Eliza Bennet
Indeed, I hope this brief communication finds you flourishing, I write with the sincerest congratulations on your joyous espousal! The most wonderful news on your behalf, I expect.
What a very fortunate colleen you are, to be married to The Mr Darcy of Pemberley, nephew of The Great Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself! May your serendipity stay everlasting!
It is known I hold great acquaintance with Her as it happens, so naturally I'm afraid I am obligated to inform you of Her grievous disapproval towards this union of families, and it is well known Her criticism and favour are essential to all affiliations.
Thus, my negation towards your future request of wedding you and Mr Darcy is unquestionable. It is indeed most arduous on one's conscience to act against the applause of The Lady de Bourgh!
Also, her refusal to address you as The Mrs Elizabeth Darcy, I must remind you cousin, shall throw great afflictions onto your future contentment as I'm sure you must have been temporarily unaware, due to the blessings surpassing the current layers of your life.
Though of course, I would have been most obliging to obtain the status of your husband myself - and to this I am certain Lady Catherine de Bourgh would have favoured, nevertheless I find great marital surprise in your dear friend, Miss Charlotte Lucas. Though now of course, known as The Mrs Charlotte Collins.
Such a quiet, obedient wife she proves to be! As she spends most of her time in our library and sitting room (and what a fine sitting room to behold! Danish south-facing windows designed by the Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself) and leaves me to my recent studies of Lady Catherine de Bourgh's influence on the design of Welsh crockery in the early 1760s. What a most enlightening read Her book proves to be!
I shall be sure to lend you it when I have concluded my notes. There used to be a copy in the Great Library of Pemberley Hall. However, it proves to be stolen by the Welsh gypsies of Hertfordshire! The thought of their succession brings flinches to my very soul!
It is no matter, as I have preserved the second edition to the best of my humble abilities, which no doubt you will be glad for!
And speaking of Welsh crockery, Mrs Collins proves to be a most satisfactory caretaker towards the classic Welsh napkins we own! Your mother was gifted a peach coloured set from myself one time, though I cannot conceive of why she never once made more than sufficient use of them at gatherings, I dare say! The intricate embroidery created with the finest of threads from the cotton farms of Kenya are more than adequate for most tastes I should think.
An extremely rare quality you will find.
Nevertheless I am once more inclined by nature to pass on a last sentiment from The Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and what a heavy honour it is to be the messenger once more (though of such grievous consequence may it be,) I should be forever more gratifying towards Her than always!
It is Her wish that you are aware of Her rightful rescinding towards the recommendation of wedding gowns of the highest preferences She would be suggesting for Her daughter Anne. But as you would now be the receiver, it is her verdict that you shall not have this privilege I am much saddened to inform you.
And thus it is my duty to leave you to the order of wedding arrangements, and what an onerous task without the valued aid of My Lady.
With condolant regards,
Cousin William Collins
YOU ARE READING
A Letter From Mr Collins
Fanfiction- A Pride & Prejudice Fanfiction - "Do I have any letters?" asked Elizabeth Bennett a few mornings after her engagement with The Mr Darcy of Pemberley, at breakfast. "One from Cousin William Collins, Miss." says Hill.
