Is this what falling feels like?

~ Chapter One ~

"You told me that the panic attacks had stopped! And then I'm told that you had two today, over going to the cafeteria, and that I had to come pick you up because you looked like you were about to pass out!" Aviana says frustrated.

"They had!" I reply defensively. She must see that I'm not telling the truth, because she's glaring at me in that 'I can read your mind' kind of way. Well technically, I am telling the truth, just not the entire truth. She glares at me for a second longer then asks;

"For how long?" 

"2 weeks" I mumble as quietly as possible. 

"WHAT?! You said it had been 2 months! Not 2 weeks! I thought we had promised each other we would tell the truth about everything!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't want you to w-" She cuts me off; 

"Oh sweetie, it's my job to worry, when will you understand that?" 
We drive the rest of the way home in silence. Aviana is my carer after my parents decided that they were too busy and too rich to bother parenting me themselves. This was just after I had my first mental breakdown and was diagnosed with anxiety. We pull into the driveway and she turns off the car.

"I'm really sorry Avi, I won't lie to you again." Yeah hell nah, of course I'm going to lie to her again, it's my way of protecting people. But saying that I won't lie to her again will make her happy.

"Mhm, I know you aren't going to, because if you did I would beat you to pulp. Not literally, I would be extremely mad and disappointed in you, but I suppose if I beat you to pulp then your 'parents' would send me off to prison and sue me money that I don't have." I giggle, but she looks stern, so I stop. Aviana doesn't like my parents, she says that she only works for them because she's worried that if she leaves, they won't even bother to replace her, and then I would be left all alone in my house. I wouldn't mind being alone, but I could never live without Aviana, she's practically the big sister I never had. I'm an only child if you didn't guess.

"Anyway, did you take your medication this morning?" she asks. 

"Yes." No. I just don't like taking it, yes, it helps my brain not freak out when I talk to people. But it also makes me numb and moody. 

I can't help but wish I was a normal 15 year old teenager. Normal teenagers don't live by themselves and have brains that don't work properly without medication. Even with  medication, my brain doesn't do it's stupid job well enough. I still have breakdowns and panic attacks.

Note:   I'm sorry if you don't like short chapters, but that's how I write them so yeah. Also  shorter parts will just mean more parts :)