The Protector: Hakan & Nisan

Chapter 4

Nisan showed exactly thirty minutes later, her hair still damp, smelling like lavender and mint. She'd outlined her large, dark eyes and they jumped out at Hakan seductively. She'd also covered her bruises up with foundation so that they looked like faded blue and green shadows, where visible at all. She stood before him barefoot, in a flowing, white summer dress she'd found somewhere, once again smiling radiantly.

His heart stopped in his chest. She looked ethereal. She looked strong, happy and healthy. She looked like a woman he could take to his bed before, during and after dinner. Too soon, he scolded himself, taking in a deep, steadying breath. What was it about this woman that made him want to jump twenty moves ahead of where they actually were at? "You look beautiful," he finally said. And then, shaking his head slightly and coming back to his senses, "Dinner is almost ready. Sit. Let me serve you."

He pulled the chair out for her and she all but ordered, much like a queen to a peasant, "Serve me now. I'm starving."

He swore he saw a mischievous glint in her eye when he stilled at her words. Too soon, he repeated in his overzealous brain, then he scurried away as his body also responded quite enthusiastically. He brought her a glass of red wine first, followed by salad and soup. More wine flowed as they ate together and talked and laughed, lighthearted for the first time in so long, enjoying the food and each other's company beyond reason and explanation.

They opened another bottle of wine after they finished dinner, heading to the couch in the library to relax and drink more, neither ready for the night to end.

"Nisan," he said, clinking glasses together in the library, as they settled into the couch, side by side, "you single-handedly saved this city. I'm in awe of you."

She froze, startled by his words. "Hakan," she whispered, her face suddenly crumbling and her eyes filling with tears. "I don't deserve that." She looked away, giving in to the shame that was now always lurking right around the corner and weighing on her mind.

Alarmed that he'd unexpectedly upset her, he set both their glasses down on the coffee table before them and gently grabbed onto her shoulders, making her look at him. His cognac-colored eyes shone bright with intensity as he told her, all but commanding her to believe, "That isn't true. You did something amazing today that few people could do. You created a vaccine that will save thousands of people in this city and beyond-"

"From a virus that I created," she interrupted hastily, shaking her head as tears fell. "Never mind that it was under duress. I should have sacrificed myself. Because I didn't, because I was a coward, so many people have died in my place."

He shook her slightly then, saying gruffly, "Hell no you shouldn't have sacrificed yourself. Don't ever say that again. You were physically forced to make that virus. And it wasn't you who weaponized it. Don't carry the weight of that on your shoulders."

She leaned forward into his arms then and put her forehead on his shoulder, crying softly, giving in to the grief and guilt that had tethered itself to her soul a mere week earlier. She was already worn down by it and she had a sinking feeling that she would never be rid of it. "You don't understand," she whispered against his neck. "There is no escaping the weight of this guilt. I may break under it."

His heart cracked open and he put his arms around her protectively, drawing her closer. "I may be the only one who does understand," he said quietly, poignantly. And then he told her all about his godforsaken tragic life and the duty and destiny foisted upon him, the very same duty and destiny that had struck down his family and so many friends and loved ones now, too, the very same duty and destiny that left him with very few choices of his own. All it seemed to leave him with were some strange, unnerving flashbacks of the original Protector, an enchanted shirt and dagger and a devastating trail of carnage wherever he went, whatever he did. Others suffered no matter what move he made. The weight of that defied explanation. It almost broke him on a minute by minute basis.