Didn't Even Notice {JJBA Avpol}

CHAPTER SIX

     I was up at twelve a.m., it became a bad habit after my concussion. My eyes were glued to the ceiling as I thought. Why was it so hard for me to open up to Avdol? I knew at that point I wouldn't be replaced. He made a good point when he said I was afraid. When Kakyoin and I were kids, I almost lost him to an accident. It landed him in the hospital for a whole year. I was terrified to think I'd lose my only friend.
     I felt sick, not nauseous but everything ached. The guilt leaned on my shoulders. The first day I met him I called him an asshole, several times actually. He didn't mean to break the frame with Sherry's photo. The more I thought, the more everything hurt. I felt tears run down the side of my face. It turned to an endless stream. My expression curled into one of great pain. I choked on my tears and breathed heavily. My sleep schedule was a mess, I wasn't taking care of myself, I felt the need to pity myself.
     Pausing I sat up when I heard shifting outside my room. Getting up I used the hoodie I was wearing to wipe up my tears. Opening my door I saw that the kitchen light was on. It was harsh on my eyes but I saw two figures. I stepped forward without thinking. I saw Kakyoin and Avdol, it felt abnormal at this time. Speaking out they both jumped, they didn't see me.
     "Jesus christ you appeared from no where!" Kakyoin held his chest as Avdol held up his phone.
    "Sorry to be here so late, I just forgot my phone here. I thought I had it but when I went to put it on the charger, it wasn't there. I'll be going now."
     He was about to take his leave when he stopped and squinted at me. My face was flushed from crying and my eyes were puffy. I gulped when he started getting closer.
     "Polnareff, are you okay? You're red." He asked as my eyes darted to the side. I stepped back laughing his question off.
     "I'm fine? I just woke up that's all. Kakyoin isn't exactly quiet." Behind Avdol, Kakyoin gave me a stare like I was lying. Avdol shrugged it off, said his goodbyes, and left. A sigh of relief fell from my lungs. Turning around I headed to my room, feeling Kakyoin's eyes on my back. I closed the door behind me and got back into bed. I yawned and my phone screen lit up. Raising a brow I looked over, a lump in my throat formed.
     You're bad at lying. Meet me at the front of school at 5:45. It was from Avdol.
     That would be before sunrise. I didn't trust him and didn't know what he had planned. I set an alarm anyways before laying down. Hearing them in the kitchen made my breakdown short. I was still devastated but I didn't feel strong enough to continue crying. The small crying fit made me sluggish.
     That night I ended up falling asleep with earbuds in. Listening to music or backround audio always calmed my nerves. It hit me hard when the alarm went off, my volume was pretty loud so it was blaring in my ears. I jolted up and turned the alarm off, looking around my room. Out the window I saw the dim sky, light barely shining into my room. Since I was going outside for the first time in a while, I went to the bathroom and brushed my hair. My nose and forehead were healing well but they were still bruised. I didn't change clothes and I headed out the door, making sure to stay quiet in the hallways. Checking the time I saw that I was running late by ten minutes.
     When I headed out the early morning chill gave me goosebumps. Rounding the dorm building I already saw the figure of Avdol standing at the front doors. On my way over I found that I kept yawning, it was too early for me. He noticed me shortly and waved.
     "Half of me didn't expect you to show up, it being quite early and all." He beamed.
     "Well half of me wanted to stay home. Of all times, why this early in the morning?" I slouched, it was obvious I wasn't a morning person.
     "I wanted you out this early so you wouldn't have spent all day being anxious inside over what I have to say." He crossed my arms as I was taken off guard. What did he over what he had to say?
     "So what is it?" I kept my distance, I felt like I was going to be punched.
     "Well for one, I want to know why you were crying last night. Earlier we were loud as hell but you slept like a rock." He looked at me with concerned eyes. I was tired of pushing him away, at the same time I just couldn't tell him. I turned my head to the side looking up. Then I tilted it down scoffing, I had no excuses left. Sitting there I made awkward gestures without words, at this point I was getting irritated that I couldn't say anything. My eyes were pointed to the grass as I heard him sigh.
     "I can see that I was too forward. I'm worried about you, though I don't know you all too well I can see you're troubled."
     "How do you know," I gave a bitter reply, my walls were crumbling. "Why are you always so nice to people you just met?"
     "I'm psychic, I can see through people. I see that you're damaged, afraid."
     I was confused, it made me more provoked. My fight or flight response was dangling in front of me, I was choosing fight. That would only build the overwhelming guilt on my shoulders.
     "Even with that, stop acting so calm all the time like you know everything!"
     I spit out words that would sting momentarily. They didn't make sense so the pain would be short. I didn't know what to make of the situation. Here I was launching insults when all he wanted to do was help me. My pride was the worst part of me. Soon he started throwing words back, they were filled with flare. Unlike mine his stuck to me because they made sense. He knew that being peaceful wouldn't work for me in this moment, that we'd have to fight first to make progress. Irrationally, I threw a punch at him. He blocked it with one hand so I threw another. Blocked again and in a second I was on the ground. He put his leg behind mine when he had both my hands and flipped me onto the ground. He sat on top of my stomach, pinning my wrists to the grass. I wriggled and squirmed until I was out of breath.
     "Are you done?" His voice had changed from soft and gentle to assertive. His brows furrowed as he looked down at me. He only waited for me to look away before he continued.
     "Let me help you. Stop being such a prideful stubborn bastard. You're going to suffer if you don't let your issues out. You're never going to heal." Those words are what stuck the most. I started to feel like I did last night. A wave of devastation crashed onto me, I clenched my fists. The actions, the words, all of it sunk in fast. When I saw Avdol continously staring at me in a short silence it broke me. We only made eye contact when the tears starting falling. Just like before everything ached.
     "I- I'm sorry..." It felt like I was falling or that I was choking. Everything was going so fast and I couldn't even slow down.
     Avdol immediately got off of me but still had my wrists. He pulled me up until I was sitting then let go. My arms recoiled to cover my face as I continued to weep. I choked, sniffled, and sobbed. When I started hyperventilating Avdol started coaxing me to calm down. My eyes stung from my hands being in the dewy morning dirt. I could barely keep my head up, I was ready to drop over seventeen minutes of crying.
     We left after it became brighter to avoid anyone seeing us. He held me up after I started to slouch and opened the door to my dorm. Placing me on the couch he gently knocked on Kakyoin's door. Looking down at my fingers I was pulled into an embrace from Kakyoin. He quickly let go, then putting a hand on my shoulder. Avdol sat next to me.
     "Why didn't you tell me how you felt?" He asked me, my gaze not moving from the floor.
     "I didn't want to bother you. You have bigger things to worry about than my problems." He punched my shoulder, I let out a yell in pain.
     "We've been friends for seven years, you're allowed to talk to me. Don't you dare think your problems are invalid, alright?" I nodded, rubbing my shoulder. For the next thirty minutes we talked, deciding that I should see the counselor I was assigned to by teacher. When Kakyoin got up from the couch to get ready for class, I laid down. Talking had made me even more tired. Avdol got off as I just fell asleep. Little did I know he carefully crept into my room. He pulled the blanket off my bed, went back out to the living room and covered me with it. He sighed and brushed the hair away from my face.
     "You're a hassle but it's worth going through the struggle." He cooed. They both headed out afterwards, leaving me asleep on the couch.
     Hours later in my semi-conscious state I thought. Last night I was rethinking my coldness towards Avdol and today I fought him, or tried to. Now I felt something different, that fight had changed something. I felt as if maybe I could start trusting him more. He didn't leave me in the field, he helped me up, and even calmed me down from passing out when I was hyperventilating. I rolled onto my back, changing the topic in my head.
     The way he apprehended me was impressive. He didn't seem like the person who knew how to flip someone onto their back in less than twenty seconds. It doesn't help that I have bad knees.
     When I was younger, probably eight or nine I got into a wicked accident with my bike. I had to go to the ER for stitches, they left some hefty scars on my knees. I still have occasional knee issues but they never stopped me from playing sports competitively in highschool.
     Eventually I got up to start my daily routine. I cut back on the random wandering in the house and focused on myself. It sucked that we didn't have a bath in the dorm but I'd make do. I tied my hair up and put on a face mask. Gently tapping my closed eyes I heard my phone go off beside me. I checked and it was a text from Kakyoin. I picked my phone up and checked what it was about.
     It's lunch have you eaten anything yet or are you just waking up lmao.
     I'll eat in a minute I'm busy rn. I replied back.
     Doing what? Being on your phone?
     I sighed and didn't respond. I waltzed over to the kitchen and threw open the fridge. In the back of the fridge I saw the large plastic container holding Avdol's stew. I looked at the container for a while before closing the fridge. I'd eat after I take the face mask off and shower. Returning to the bathroom I sat for an extra five minutes before peeling the feel mask off. I rubbed in the exterior moisture, then turning the shower off. I stripped down then looked at myself in the mirror, examining my bruises and scars. Climbing into the shower the hot water made my back arch. I quickly turned the heat down. Sitting in the steamy room made me relax. The hot water, once it wasn't boiling my skin, felt good. I sat in there for a good hour, my fingers were pruney. That's when I got out. Wrapped a towel around my waist and headed to the kitchen.
      The room temperature air on my still steaming skin was freezing. The fridge air was even worse. I swiftly grabbed the plastic container and threw it on the counter. I found a bowl in the cabinets and opened the containers. It immediately caught me off guard. The stew smelt delicious, it was tempting to just stick my nose in the container but I didn't. I spooned some into a bowl and microwaved it. It filled the dorm with the scent of lamb and spices. I sat on the couch after putting the container away and ate. I was drooling over it. Never had I eaten something so amazing. Then I remembered that Avdol made it and for once I actually wanted to text him. I pulled out my phone but I didn't know what to say. I scratched my head then typing, pretending like I was texting Kakyoin almost.
     I tried the stew you brought over for me yesterday, it's really good. You made it yourself right?
     I didn't expect a reply from him for a while. Right now it would either be the end of gym for him or the start of drama. I wasn't bothered by it though, I waited patiently for his reply. I got a reply after close to an hour.
     I did! I'm glad you like it. If you wanted, I could come over and show you the recipe, or you could come to my dorm. It's on the second floor, room twenty seven.