Everyone has their days. You have those days where you feel like you're on top of the world and no one can stop you and then there are those days that make you want to commit suicide or just simply disappear. It never matters where you go, you could live somewhere in the Himalayas in cabin all alone, you could travel time through the galaxies, or you could just runaway and go somewhere new. You never want to take any one with you. You feel like they'll just disappear as soon as you turn around. You'll be alone again (which is the reason you feel this way in the first place). Sometimes you feel like you have no one, no one to love you, no one to tell you it's going to be okay, no one to say they care, or no one who simply understands you.
After wanting to disappear for a number of times, I realized that the easiest way to feel like you're alone is to be misunderstood. It may seem small to others, but after you've tried and tried to explain yourself and no one seems to understand or even care, you start to wonder why you're even there. What is your purpose ? To soak up all the pain everyone else doesn't seem to have ?
The worst part about the bad days or even times, is that you can't avoid it. That's most likely the reason you feel that way. There's no one you can talk to, you don't want to talk to the people around you, you just feel so unimportant. It seems as if the world is pushing you out to the edge. It's like the world is caving in around you and your time is up. There's nothing left for you, there's no where for you to turn, no where for you to hide and no where for you to be. It seems like no one wants you. A lot of times you just have to wait for these feelings to pass by. It helps to sort through your thoughts, to try to piece things together.
When you have your good days, no one can tell you anything. It can start off with your look, when you look good and you know it, and other people agree. It can also be when you just simply feel good. Music helps shape my mood. I often use it to help achieve certain moods or boost the one I'm already in. When you feel good, you feel comfortable. Nothing matters, no one has to understand it. You may not even understand it, but you know enough to be happy. You feel like everywhere you go, your song is playing. It's a feeling you don't want to end, but whenever you have it it seems so natural you don't appreciate it .
It is so easy to go from loving yourself to hating yourself. It's a simple as flipping a switch.
