OUR SHALLOW GRAVES

I'm back

Levi's POV

The next series of days haven't been too good, for the team, and for Eren. He's closed himself off from conversing with anyone...even me. I keep a close eye on him and try to keep him by my side whenever possible. We've mostly kept him within the infirmary, at least until we can remove the stitches but even then he can barely move. Either from blood loss or will to live, he can't even make it to the bathroom without stumbling. Nights are worse. He outwardly refuses to eat and nightmares keep him awake at night. I'm startled awake by thrashing and screaming every night and to have no clue how to help him, only fuels my guilt. He hasn't had a decent meal or a good night of rest for, I don't how long. I watch as Eren's sitting upright, leaning on the bed against the wall. His eyes are cloudy and distant, somewhere far away to God knows where. The sheets pool in his lap and sweat mats his already tangled hair. His hands clenching and unclenching, as if a way to remind himself he is still awake, still here.

"Eren?" His name falls from my lips in agony as he barely glances my way, before scooting closer to the wall as if it were going to suck him in and take him from his pain. I sit, rigid in my seat. I haven't left his side, not if I can help it. Eld has taken charge of the squad, doing daily training and maintenance around the castle. None, however, have come to even visit, not if they can catch me in the halls or dining room. I don't know if they can't handle to look at how far Eren has fallen, or if they're afraid of him. I gulp down my nausea for the latter option. To think that my own squad would do that, to a kid nonetheless. I disregard the thought, saving it for a later date, right now I have to help the being in front of me. I change my tactics. Shifting in my seat, I stand and sit on the edge of the bed, my back to him. I figure that if he won't look at me, I may as well voice my thoughts, hoping that he'd do something.

"Hey Eren.," I say quietly. The rustling of sheets is the only response I get. I sigh as I continue.

"You know you're not alone in this, right? You have everyone here. Granted, the squad hasn't seen you, but there are still people here who care. Who truly cares about you, Eren.," my voice wavers slightly as I try to find the right words.

"Hanji's been a wreck without you and Erwin's constantly kicking himself for this. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner, I'm sorry that it had to come to this for us to see how much pain you've been in.," I take a deep breath.

"You know, I'm sorry for a lot of things in life. But the one thing I'm not sorry about is to have you here with me. I'll never be sorry that I got to have you with me here, but I will be sorry if I have to lose you too.," I pause for a moment, hoping for some sort of reaction. When nothing happens I continue.

"I've lost people, a lot of people. People of whom I cared about. I've moved forward, I strived just when the world was ready to give up on me. But I don't think I'll survive if I have to lose you. Eren, you've changed a lot of people here, and I'd like to believe you've changed me the most for the better. So understand, I'm not ready to give up in you just yet. So if you're willing, if you can find it within yourself, to fight, just a little bit longer. If not for us, for me, then for yourself. For those who cared for and loved you, and sacrificed their lives for you. Give their life meaning by living yours.," I feel my breath catch in my throat. I listen as his breathing becomes uneven, shallowing.

"And if all else fails, I'll be with you. Every step, every journey, I'll stand by you, I'll always be on your side.," My head falls into my hands as I choke out the last sentence. I don't know if I can handle the silence. Without his joyous laugh or ridiculous voices, he uses it when acting out a memory. Just when I think I've failed, I feel arms snake around my waist. I feel his cheek lean against the middle of my back.

"Promise?" He asks, voice hoarse and raspy. He tightens his hold as if I were going to disappear.

"I promise, you shitty brat.," I reply. A light chuckle fills the room. God, how I've longed to hear that. I turn my body to face him, my knee laying on the mattress as the other holds haphazardly over the edge. He jumps and clings to my neck and I encircle his middle, holding him tight against me. Just then, a knock emanates from the doorway.