No One Loves Me

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My mom died when she gave birth to me

My dad hate me since I was born because he is blaming me for my mom's death he said that I killed my mother

When I was young my father always hurt me physically and emotionally, he punch, kick, shout, always say the words 'KAHIT ANONG GAWIN MO DI KITA KIKILALANING ANAK!!! WALA AKONG ANAK NA MAMATAY TAO!!' he always say that. Bakit ba ako ang palagi nalang ako ang akusahan nya na pumatay ki mama....

Kung sana nga ako nalang ang namatay at hindi si mama....

Baka mahal na mahal pa ako ni papa kahit di nya ako nakasama....

Baka palagi syang pupunta sa puntod ko kasama si mama....

Baka....baka...

Andaming what if na nasa isip ko na sana natupad....

When I was young I always wish and hope na sana one day makapangasawa ako ng lalaking mamahalin ako ng sobra sobra na itituring isang reyna at magkakaroon kami ng isang maganda at masayang pamilya na diko naranasan......and sabay sabay naming bibisitahin si papa para di nya mafeel na nag iisa na sya.....cause no matter what happen I always love my dad even he doesn't love me....

Pero ang mga pangarap ko na yan ay biglang naglaho na parang bula......when My dad arrange a marriage to me with his bestfriend's son....

My husband doesn't love me in fact he dispite seeing my face because he said that I am the reason kung bakit nasira ang relasyon nila ng kanyang girlfriend.....

And because of that he promised me that he will 'make my life miserable' but he doesn't know that my life is already miserable...he doesn't know the situation of me and my dad ang akala nya ay mahal na mahal ako ni papa🤣🤣😥......he want to make my life miserable but he doesn't know that it's already miserable and I'm already used to it........

But I'm wrong because I'm not used to it.....akala ko kasi parehas lang sila ni papa pero...pero malala pala ang sakanya masmasakit pala......I...I thought wala ng mas isasakit pa ang nararamdaman ko but...now.....now na nasasaksihan ko kung paano nya alagaan at mahalin ang girlfriend nya na parang isang mamahaling pinggan na para bang takot itong masira o mabasak.....kahit ata lamok di makalapit sa girlfriend nyang yun sa pag aalaga nya......

Sana....sana maranasan ko rin yan....

Sana..sana maranasan ko ring mahalin ako ng asawa't ama ko

Sana di nalang ako nabuhay kung ganito lang rin pala ang mangyayari saakin....

Ano po ba kasalanan ko bakit ko to nararanasan😥😥

Diko po naman kasalanan na maspinili akong buhayin ng mama ko kahit na alam nyang ikamamatay nya ang panganganak diba....diko naman kasalanan yun diba.....

A years passed and ganoon parin ang turing saakin ng ama at asawa ko and baka diko narin kayanin pang lumaban.......

Nasa kwarto ako ngayun at nagbabasa ng libro dikasi ako makatulog dahil naririnig ko ang ingay ng magaling kong asawa at ang girlfriend nya na nag alam nyo na yun yun,........and ang sakit narin ng puso ko kasi kanina pa ako umiiyak ehhh diko rin alam kong bakit nandito pa ako dapat pala umalis na ako.......

I go out to my room that time kasi balak kong uminom ng tubig.....while I'm walking to the stair i feel like dizzy and nawawalan rin ako ng lakas kaya napakapit ako sa hawakan ng hagdan pero mas lumalapa and then later on I feel like I'm lossing my balance and I might fall.........and dinga ako nagkamali cause nahulog ako sa hagdan.......but i dont feel the impact cause i lost my Conscious.......

And that time I wish that I won't wake up again....... And for the first time in my life my wish come true.......cause I die that time not because nahulog ako sa hagdan it's because lumalala na ang sakit ko sa puso diko na kasi pinagamot dahil wala namang say say ang buhay ko right......they don't love me anyway, no onelove me......

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I don't love or even like that girl.

Fuck! She is the reason why my girlfriend broke up with me!!!

And for that I will make sure that her life will be hell!!😏

But why do I feel so hurt when she died why??

When I go out to my room after we make love with my girlfriend.....i saw her lying to the end of the stair full of blood I thought she is just faking it but when i come near her.....and feel her pulse i thought my world just fall apart.....

And that is when i learn that she has a heart Disease and matagal na yun at di nya pinapagamot kahit na ilang ulot na syang kinulit ng kanyang doctor....and what surprise to him more is that his father-in-law doesn't know it either......

And doon nya rin nalaman na di maayus ang relasyon ng mag ama.....

And that is the time also that he realized the worth of his wife and how badly he loves his wife but it's too late now he can't even say that to his wife......he feel so guilty that time he regret every single doings and words that he do and said to her......

He decided to come to his wife's room for the first time and he saw a notebook or you can say a diary......and of curse he read it all

'Hi besty.....

Simula ngayon besty nakita wala kasi ang besty kasi walang maygustong maging kaibigan ako kasi pinatay ko daw mommy ko'

'hi besty....

Alam mo ba awarding namin ngayon at ako ang valedictorian!! Sayang nga lang kasi wala doon si papa....'

'hi besty....

Alam mo pinalo nananaman ako ni papa....but i still love him.....'

'besty...

Maysasabihin akong sekreto ha! Alam mo kanina nadala ako sa clinic kasi bigla nalang akong nahimatay tapos sabi ng nurse doon may heart dissease daw ako at sabihin ko daw kay papa....pero ayaw kong sabihin sakanya kasi natatakot ako na magalit sya saakin kasi baka isipin nya na kailangan ko ng pera nya para magamot ako.....'

'besty....

Alam mo bang may pinakilala saakin ngayun si papa at ang gwapo gwapo nya.....at ang saya ko kasi sawakas magkakaroon na ako ng price charming...kasi sabi ni papa sya daw ang mapapangasawa ko!!'

'besty.....huhuhuhuhu

Alam mo ang sakit kasi may mahal na pala syang iba tas ayaw nya pa saakin kinamumuhian ata ako eh dinga ako magawang tingnan man lang.....akala ko bes sya na yung ka forever ko na sya na yung mag aalaga saakin at mamahalin ako......siguro bes diko talaga deserve ang maging masaya at mahalin noh....siguro ako talaga yung pumatay ki mama kaya ito yung parusa ko ngayon......

Hayyyy....oonga pala bes nabibilang na ang araw ki ngayon kasi alam mo bes lumalana kasi yung sakit ko sa puso eh.....di nakasi ako nagpagamot kahit na may pera na ako wala rin namang may gustong mabuhay ako eh......lahat sila ayaw saakin sinira ko kasi mga buhay nila...ang malas ko talaga....'

'besty.....

Ang sakit alam mo nagbabasa ako ng books ngayun butI can't concentrate cause my loves and his girlfriend is having a you know and I heard them.....ang sakit na na puso ko bes....

Hay wait lang ha! Iinom muna ako nauhaw ako eh....love you bes ikaw lang talaga nagmamahal saakin.....'

And that is the last page of her diary....

Oh!god! I hurt my wife so much.....im so fucking idiot.....oh god love ilove you so much and I'm so so sorry for hurting you.....

---the end----

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Note: if you love or want to say sorry or something to a person that is important to you please tell that to him/her while you can Don't wait the time that you cannot said that to him/her🥰🥰😘😘

Love you all🥰🥰

Miss you dad🥰🥰always remember that even if your already gone you always here in my heart💓