Fear

Chapter 3

"Fear of hurting.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of the darkness inside.
Fear of being broken.
Fear of believing in you.
Fear of showing my feelings.
Fear of letting go.
Fear of losing you to another.
Fear of not being strong.
Fear of the drinking.
Fear of the agony.
Fear of loving you.
Fear of trusting you again.
Fear of not trying.
Fear of giving up inside.
Fear of no beat.
Fear of the broken pieces.
Fear of not being excepted for me.
Fear of being a nobody to you.
Fear of slowly fading.
It took me this long to learn my lesson.
Cause now all I want is peace,
And forgetting drama.
I finally understand
The true meaning of karma."
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It's been 2 months so far and I haven't heard from Adam. Jamel blows up my phone constantly. He just can't understand that he is the reason why I'm so messed up. Im on my way to the hospital now. I have to get a check up. Hopefully everything comes back good.
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I'm leaving the hospital now. My doctor told me I need to eat more food because I'm becoming underweight at a fast rate. He said I don't need to stress as much because that can cause possible body function failures. I'm sinking deeper and deeper into the whole. I guess I'll go get something to eat.
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I drove to Carey Hillards and ordered a 12 piece hot wing plate and a chicken fajita salad. I'll just save the wings for later. I got my momma a veggie salad. She's a vegetarian. I paid for my food and got in the car. I drove home and saw Jamel's car in front of my house. I just rolled my eyes and brought the stuff in the house. I made sure I locked the door behind me. I put my mothers food in the fridge and ate my salad. I took a quick shower and changed into my clothes for work. I put on a white crop top and my blue cut up acid washed shorts. Then I put on my knee high black socks and my Cool Gray 11s. I put on my blue denim shirt and rolled up the sleeves. I went into the bathroom and looked at my hair. I took my braids out last month. I decided to flat iron my hair. I never really tried doing this again, but when I did it my hair stopped at my mid-back. I put on my beanie, other accessories, and I applied my lip gloss.(Multimedia) I guess I was ready. I grabbed my phone off the charger and went downstairs. I opened the door and saw Jamel standing there. He had tears in his eyes. I had never seen him cryin before.

"Hey Taylor can we talk?" He asked. I looked at my watch.

"You have 5 minutes." I said looking at him.

"Is that your real hair? It's beautiful." He said.

" Is that all you need to say?" I asked him.

"Oh no. Taylor I'm sorry for hurting you. I really am. Please take me back." Jamel said. I didn't even notice, but he was on his knees kissing on my thighs.

"Get off me. Sorry isn't enough to keep me out of the hospital. Yeah bet you didn't know that. All you ever think about is yourself because your just pure selfish and I'm done with your bull shit. You messed up my chances of being happy with someone so I'm fucking done. I'm dying day by day Jamel and you don't even bother to care at all. I may look perfectly fine because that's how I portray myself to be. Little do you know, I go to the hospital 5 times out of the weekend because of my health risking depression. Now I'm done here and with you. There is nothing more for me to say." I said locking the front door behind me.

"Time is up." I said as I walked away to get in my car. I backed out of my driveway and drove to work. I work in the mall at DTLR. I pulled into the parking lot and I felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my chest. I did a lip gloss check and fixed my hair. I got out the car and walked into the mall. As I walked by boys were just drowling out of their mouths. I paid them no mind. I walked into DTLR and clocked in.

"Hey Taylor. I love the outfit you never disappoint." My coworker Kiora said. Kiora has been my best friend since middle school. I love her to death.