MAPLEWOOD

My name is Parker Beetle

       It a was dark night on Tuesday, see, I work the night shift... I am a bug detective. My partner's name isLucy June Lovebug. We had somehow buzzed onto this case. We were burning the midnight dew and hadn't bent a twig on this one. My names Parker Beetle, I was born on a Thursday two winters past... We'd started working on this together on last Friday. We got the call onthis case just this past Sunday.. I had started out drinking my normal dark sap that night, when a friend turned me on to this baby juice... I knew I shouldn't... but started sucking it in, and now, Istill can't remember what happen last Monday.. still too fuzzy. Too much of that larvae juice. I vaguely recall Lucy June Lovebug dragging me back to my hole in the ground and fluffing the dirt over me. She's really a great detective too, we were partners, and like I said, only not in crime... She always had my back.

      Yeah, there were many detectives working the thousands of cases that happened on the night shift out here at the Maplewood Tree. It's between Oak tree and Birchwood tree. And trust me, this is the worst place to be between all of them. Every insect that crawled, climbed, hopped, limped, slid, spun or flew.. they all were here. It was the underbelly of the skies. But the nights... they were the worst, and no time to rest on your haunches,daylight always came too fast.

      There was always something tough to crack... Hard cases that had soft larvae inside, you see' em all the time. All the branches were bad, they had ladybugs that wanted to do nothing but rub their wings on you, and if you were mated... their scent... well, consider yourself bird chow. Oh and then there's the'wild ones' that come from the firefly district. You can't tell what they are anymore, could be guys, girls, or just flamers! There the ones that talk soft but have big horns. Less then a limb over there are the horny ones who look at you with there 5 eyes and wanting to size you up and dine on your heart before you know what bent your antenna... Yeah it's bad here. But me, Parker Beetle... yeah, I'd seen it all!

     Well this is when Lucy June lovebug,comes face to face with none other than Mick Fly. This guy has seen more shit, been in more shit, had more shit thrown at him from afar and has gotten out of more shit than any other fly you could think of... 'Hell, Mick even beat the shit out of a horsefly once, and that's a true story!'

     Finally, we arrived at Stinky Cove Motel where Mick Fly was staying. He had a 00 suite at the bottom of the stairs. Shit always rolls down hill so he liked it down there.Lucy June Lovebug knocks on the door for me, it opens as a couple of other flies are standing there stinking up the joint. Their not just going to let us in... The fumes were already starting to get to me when I say,

   "The Names Parker.. Were here to see Mick Fly," as they moved out of our way, we both walked in.. it looked like the place had been tossed over and stepped on, or someone fired the bug keeper, several of Mick's Mob flies were hovering in the corner, they were drinking Sap juice, their wings buzzed from time to time. You could tell they were afraid but watched us both pretty close, not saying a word.

     Lucy was itchin to toast one of them with her Zapper (a gun that emitted an electrical charge) and all insects hated them. There was only three levels on one of those babies... 'Tingle, which would make you laugh until you spilled your guts, or toss out the last thing you'd ingested... Tack, which was pretty close to being caught between the ground and a lawnmower blade, or Toast... Well, she kept her zapper on Toast. She loved the smell of any bug getting the crap roasted out of itself. She was a tough ass Lovebug. 

      But now, Lucy June Lovebug, she was a good detective through and through. Her antenna could hear and feel stuff that most other Dick-bugs never could. You wouldn't want to call her 'Trigger happy' too her face... but she was a crack shot!Yeah, but she had damn good reasons too be...

While she was a Buggette trafficcop, she got jacked up by some horny beetles who she stopped at a blinking-Stop Light. She didn't put up a fight until one of them wanted to horn up on her as the others watched. Well, that was all  she could handle... in the flash of a fireflies light she took out her nightstick-it and hit that beetle so hard, so many times...his horny Horn actually broke off. The dude was never the same, he got really light feet around women and turned totally gay. His voice changed and now he won't even look at another lady bug, of any kind.

I'd had heard about her through the grapevine, and tracked her down. With the promise to give her atop of the line zapper, she agreed to latch on to me. Yeah and here she was... Good looking, no nonsense bug... A real 'I'll kick your ass off the tree branch' kinda bug. Her colors were pretty decent.Nice wings, a great set of antenna's. I mean Wow, she could hear the fog roll across the lawn far below. She was a decent talker too,real smooth, but she don't take any Fly-shit, that's for sure!