The Journey Towards Yourself

Chapter 9

If you have ever turned in your bed and have realized that this has been the most comfortable position that you have ever been in than you absolutely know what I am going through right now. The urge to just lie there the entire day and forget about your problems.

Except there is this thing called personal responsibility where you must get out of bed every single morning and face your problems face to face. There is no running away and trust me, I have tried.

"Good morning Gwen!" screamed Carlene jumping onto my bed shifting me just so slightly that I wanted to turn towards her and slap her face off.

"No." and with that I push her off my bed onto the hard floor with a thunk. She stands up holding her bottom. "Well someone's grumpy. You better get up though, you have individual therapy today." I groan inwardly and throw my covers off to the side.

Rubbing my face I walk across the room to where the bathroom is located. I shove open the door and stumble in.

"Well hello there."

I almost jumped out of my pants. My scream was probably heard in China it was so loud and piercing, but it didn't seem to affect Mackenzie.

"Don't worry, I was just finishing up anyway." Her towel was luckily already wrapped around her torso. She pushed me out of the way to grab her dirty laundry.

"I-I'm sorry." She gave me a stern look, flipped her hair and threw "You should be." And walked out of the bathroom. Yup, she was in another bad mood because of me.

I was wiping my face off with warm water when someone knocked on the door. "Occupied." Another knock.

"Hurry it up in there! Your car will be here soon." I shoved the towel under the sink not giving a care about who finds it.

In 10 minutes flats, I am in the lobby waiting on the car. My hair shoved in a lazy ponytail was paired perfectly with my lazy day clothes, which included my dad's old grey sweats and a red and black flannel.

The car shows up and I hop in.

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The car drops me off at the front just like any other day. The building is as dull as usual. The blandness made me want to jump right back into bed.

In front of room 203, I shove the door open and not to see Dr. Lorraine but to see someone completely different. He sat in her chair in her glasses attempting to look professional.

"I've been waiting for you." Derrick says reminding me of a black and white movie my mother and I used to watch all of the time.

"You know I have always wanted to do that," he chuckles to himself. He takes off Dr. Lorraine's glasses and sets them safely back onto the desk.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"Dr. Lorraine cancelled your appointment again."

"But then why did the car drive me here? Wouldn't I just of stayed at the institution?"

"And that is where I come in. I may or may not of told Dr. Lorraine I would call and cancel."

"She trusted you with that?"

"We are family friends. Basically my second mom."

"B-but, I don't understand-"

He got up from his seat interrupting me in the process.

"I didn't cancel so I could take you out."

Take me out like on a date? The butterflies in my stomach are shooting in every direction possible. The smile on face illuminates the room. It is spread ear from ear as I nod my head indicating that he can.

"Then shall we?" He holds out his hand in a polite manner and I take it in an instant. No hesitation.

"Of course we shall."

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"So have you ever been to a carnival?"

I look around in amazement. It isn't anything like I have seen before. So many people hurrying around trying to get to every single ride before the night ends.

The cool breeze passed through and made the little hairs on my neck stand up.

"Cold?"

"Hm, what?"

"I asked if you were cold."

"Oh, no. It is, well isn't but ya it kind of is."

"Gwen?"

I look up into his brown eyes and see a glint of humor.

"Shut up." He jokes and takes his large brown jacket and puts it over my shoulders, "by the way, your shoes are cool."

He speeds up like a little 5 years old excited and jumps up and down when he sees something that contains a big mallet and a scale.

"Gwen! Gwen! Hurry! Get over here!" He waves his arms like he's crazy.

I shuffle over getting odd looks from an old couple sitting on a bench nearby. I silently tell them I am sorry and continue on to Derrick.

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"Okay, so you bring this big mallet up and," WHACK! A bell rings and the carnivee's hands Derrick a huge yellow teddy bear.

He turns toward me and hands me the teddy bear "For you" I blush and take the bear.

"Oh wow thanks you."

We take a break from all of the crazy and take a walk on the beach like a cliché book date. If only my life took place inside a book. Everything would be so much easier.

I could just have an author take care of every problem for me instead of me having to deal with them.

Walking on the beach, we both remained quiet. I for one was afraid I will say something wrong, but for Derrick he was at ease as if the uncomfortable silence doesn't bother him at all.

Finally after this deathning silence he spoke, "So how is Gwen's world?"

I chuckle, "Gwen has a world?"

"Of course you do, everyone has at least one."

"You can have more than one?"

"Of course! Have you ever met someone two-faced?"

I chuckled and so did he.

"But seriously though. How are you doing? I know therapy is hard and so is rehab and I just wanted to know if you're hanging in there alright."

Derrick definitely knows how to make a girl feel safe. He is worried at just the right amount.

"I guess you could say I'm ok. I mean it is of course hard, but I have people helping me through."

His eyes trail the ocean shore before taking a seat on the sand. It still being daylight, kids were running around and splashing each other around us.

"Ever felt trapped?"

I sit down next to him ready to listen, "Go on."

He sighs and leans back getting sand all over his clothes. "I just don't know where to start."

"How about the beginning." We turn over onto our sides so we are facing each other.

"It's just that ever since my mother-um-died. Everything has been so different. She was so accepting of who I am, but my dad. My dad doesn't want anything to do with me. He hates who I am and doesn't accept it. I just don't know what to do."

Can having depression really make a father not want his own child?

"How did your mom die?" Pain shot through his eyes and for a second I thought he was going to cry.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

His shaky breath is released and he manages to say, "Another time." I nod and we both turn back to our backs and take in the blue sky above us.

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