Always Is Forever Semishira

Note

Warning: includes negative personal thoughts, bullying, and self harm.
Disclaimer: all the characters are the property of Haruichi Furudate except for the bullies. I made them up. The art does not belong to me. Author-chan out!

To Semi Eita.

To everyone else, I'm mean, rude and saltier than the Dead Sea. And I am, there's no denying that. But what they don't know is the reason. Being angry is a great coping mechanism. People don't want to get bit, so they stay away. They don't look close enough to see anything except the shield I put up. They don't know my bark is much worse than my bite. 
Oh well. It's not like it would make a difference even if they did know.
I'm writing this note because I'm finally done. I hope you're happy. You can have your starting spot back. I'm sorry I didn't do it before our final match with Karasuno. We wouldn't have lost if you'd been the starting setter instead of me.
There's just one thing left to say. I love you, Semi Eita. I always have and I always will. Till death do us part, as they say. Although my always is probably over by now. 
Well, I'd better get to it. I'm just stalling now, but hey! It's one moment of pain compared to a lifetime. Easy.

I love you,

Shirabu Kenjirou

Semi stuffed the letter in his pocket and ran. He frantically tried to figure out where he would be. The river, the school rooftop, his house, somewhere else- he could be anywhere. Semi yanked on his hair in frustration.

Suddenly, without thinking about it, his body turned and headed for the river. He sprinted for it, hoping against hope that maybe that was where Shirabu was.

Shirabu's POV

9 hours earlier

Shirabu walked from morning practice to his first class, like he did every morning. He almost made it to his classroom safely, like he did every morning. Almost. But of course, his two bullies grabbed him, like they did every morning. And they beat him, like they did every morning.

They would act all friendly and affectionate so no one would notice, and drag him into a nearby storage room. God, Shirabu hated that room. It symbolized everything he hated- the constant beatings, the nonstop insults, his horrible life. Daily. He hated it.

But he couldn't tell anyone. They would laugh at him, or not believe him, or join them, or say he deserved it. And they wouldn't be wrong, or so he believed.

Maybe, just maybe, someone might believe him, if he could trust them enough to speak up. But he was too stubborn to open up.

Shirabu acted rude and mean to deflect questions, but inside he just wanted someone to help. But he refused to admit it, and continued to act like he didn't care. It was a self-destructive cycle.

He had started cutting months ago. The bullying got so bad, he just couldn't handle it anymore. Crying himself to sleep every night could only do so much. So he started cutting. Shirabu even had a system.

One cut for being stubborn.

One cut for being ugly.

One cut for being weak.

One cut for being useless.

One cut for being stupid.

One cut for liking someone who was far too good for him.

One cut for being himself in general.

Cutting hurt, it really did. Shirabu wasn't sure why people said it gave them a pleasurable sensation. To him, it just hurt a lot. But he continued to do it, simply because it made his emotions go away temporarily.

At the same time, he was aware that only one thing could make the emotions go away permanently.

Which led him to his current situation.