How to Tell Him

How Do I Tell Him

This waiting room is the same as every other waiting room on the planet and I don't know why I'm suprised. Outdated Better Homes and Gardens magazines on particle-board coffee tables. The stiff chairs that smell like the hospital and make your butt numb when you sit too long in the only position that is vaguely comfortable. There are toys on the floor and the television plays cartoons and this fact makes me sick to my stomach. Cam holds my hand like I was his life preserver. Sometimes he ran his thumb over my knuckles as a way to comfort me but I know he is as scared as I am; I keep this thought to myself and let him scroll through comics on his phone.

Cam pulled up his long black hair for the occasion, the curls straining against the hair tie binding them in a style that was more socially acceptable in a hospital; he had also done away with most of his extensive piercings, leaving only the stud in his lip. As the wait got longer he began to twist the stud nervously and his knee started to jiggle restlessly. I watchthe nurses station until it gets too hard to anymore, i let my eyes study the boring paintings placed on the walls and I get the itch to paint something better. The seconds drag before, somewhere in the mess of my backpack, my phone pings with a message. Cam watches in amusement as I dig through the catastrophy of empty gum wrappers, chargers, headphones, and loose money until I finally withdrawl my phone from its depths. Addy's text is in his typical fashion, short and simple and full of love. He isn't as good at words as his bandmates, there is a reason he prefers drumming.

-I love you, baby.

He was no doubt feeling guilty Cam was taking his place at my side but he had to finish all his exams in order to go on tour with his band the next week. His message helps me feel stronger; not just because he is assuring me of his love, but he is telling me that everything is going to be ok because he would make everything better.

-I love you more.

He responds almost instantly with one of his favorite cat GIFs. Atticus is almost convinced he can solve any problem with cats. I remember after our first fight he stole his best friend's cat and snuck her in through my bathroom window with a note attatched to her collar. Sorry for being such a pussy. I got a call from Lynx an hour later begging me to forgive Addy so he could get his cat back.

"Gage Carson." My musings are cut short by a pretty nurse calling me from the door across the room. Cam puts his phone down and looks at me before we stand, his hand a vice on mine as we walk through the door and into another sterile hallway.

"Ok, honey, can you take off your shoes so we can weigh and measure you?" She leads us to the scale and I put my hand on Cam's arm while I toe off my sneakers. The metal is cold and unforgiving under my sock covered feet while the nurse fiddles with the weights until she gets my measurements. "!25 pounds and you are 5'4. Slip your shoes back on and we'll get you situated in a room ok?"

She smiles as I pull back on my shoes and leads us to a room that is only slightly warmer than a freezer. She takes my vitals and asks some dietary questions before standing and promising that the doctor would be in shortly. I'm sitting on the bed covered in its crinkly paper with Cam leaning on the wall closest to the bed.

"Are you scared?" He asks finally in a whisper quiet voice. I shrug even though the slight shiver I've been sporting the entire visit has nearly turned into earthquake volume ripples that wrack my small frame. "Me neither, that means everything is going to be ok." He tries to smile to reassure me as his eyes study my face carefully.

We sit for ages until a boy that is barely a man comes in with a computer on a rollie stand and a kind smile. "Hello, Gage, I'm Doctor Williams." He shakes my hand then Cam's before situating himself on the rolling stool by the sink. "We got your blood tests back in from the lab and I want to say there is a way to treat this..." His voice trails off in my ears and I wonder if they gave me this doctor in hopes that his kindness would soften the atomic blow the news would give. Tears fell like rain down Cam's face when the kind boy comfirmed our fears to Cam's listening ears. Cam gripped me tighter as if his grasp would banish the cancer from my body and change the doctor's words. I know he hopes that the doctor got the wrong room, the wrong file, the wrong Gage Carson; one that wasn't his best friend. It could happen, I knew his mind was saying. Cam was trying to argue with the doctor, convince him it was false, he couldn't be telling him I had cancer it was impossible. There had to be another option, a solution, a mistake because he wasn't going to let me die on him. Finally, he lets the doctor say his piece, accepts the appointment card and watches the man leave the room with one last, "I'm sorry."

The door shuts with a sort of finallity to it and Cam's are around me when the tears start. I soak the front of his shirt as animalistic noises force themself out of my throat and his hands rub my back trying to comfort me. We cry until we can't anymore and he wipes the straks from our faces and rubs warmpth briskly into my arms.

"We...we can do this, Gage. Fuck what that clown said. You are not leaving us." He says finally. "You can get better." I nodded without full conviction, "Beat this cancer like you beat Atticus's ass." He says this to make me laugh even though I don't.

"I'm scared, Cam." I whisper as he stands me up and grabs my bag.

"I am too, princess." He wraps an arm around me. "But it's going to be ok." I let him lead me to the elevators while my mind screams one last question.

How was I going to tell Addy?