Van McCann Imagines

everyone has their limits

Van held my smaller hand in his as we made our way up the hill. It wasn't a particularly nice day. It was raining and the path was muddy, but somehow being with Van made it okay.            

I tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear as I looked up at van. Today was our 2 year anniversary and I could already tell that Van was taking me to 'our spot'. The place where we had our first kiss.            

"You know," I said, "you have really pretty eyes, I wish mine were more interesting like yours." It was true, I could stare at Van's eyes all day long. I wouldn't ever tire of them. He smiled down at me, continuing up the path.            

Letting go of my hand, Van slipped his hands into his pockets out of the cold. He sighed, looking up to the sky as droplets of rain fell onto his face. I pushed his back lightly.           

"Come on loser, you can't stop now. We're almost there!" I said, starting to jog up the hill. Van mumbled under his breath, probably about the weather or how he was tired, but I was too excited to get to the top.           

"I said stop!" He shouted from below me. I turned on my heel, almost slipping on the muddy grass. I tilted my head, Van hadn't moved any further to our spot. He had stopped.          

"It's not that far babe, honestly look - just there." I pointed as I walked towards him. "Surely you can walk a little further to our-"         

"Would you just stop?" He yelled at me, throwing his hands in his hair. "You never take a fucking breath!"            

I stopped. Van never yelled, not even when we argued.           

"Have I done something?" I asked him. I was waiting until later to give him his present, maybe that was it?          

He shook his head, biting his lip he looked over at me.           

"I kissed someone. Fuck! I kissed someone."           

I looked up at him. Speechless. I parted my lips to speak but nothing came out. How could this happen?          

"What? Who?" I asked. I truly didn't care who, I mostly wanted to know why. Why he'd break my heart. Why he felt the need to kiss her. Why he hadn't told me until now.           

"Some girl after a night out, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, she wasn't you," he trailed off.           

Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks as Van continued to plead his case. I laughed up at the sky, "did you sleep with her?" I asked. I already knew. I knew but needed to hear it from him. He said nothing which was the confirmation I needed.           

"I'm sorry."
           

I shook my head, tracing shapes in the wet grass with my shoes.           

"You fucked up. You know that you fucked up. You're sorry, I get it. Trust me, I get it. But you being sorry won't change what you did. You being sorry won't change the way that I look at you now. It won't change how I feel about you, now. Everyone has their limits. Their boundaries. Lines, that once you cross, you can't cross back over. I had a line...you crossed it. Now you have to stay on the other side of it, away from me"           

He grabbed my arms as I tried to walk away. His eyes red and blood shot, tears spilling down onto his coat.            

"Please don't leave me, I want you, I need you! Please-"           

"Need and want are two very different things Van. Maybe you need to think about that. For once, think of someone else." I smiled at him sadly. "I love you Van, but you need to think about what you've done," walking away from him my tears fell freely onto the ground beneath me.           

"Happy anniversary Van."