I'm not okay (and that's okay)

The beginning of the end

Giorno woke up in a haze as he attempted to focus his blurry vision. His headache was bad and it was hard to get out of his very torn, stiff mattress on the floor of his room. His walls were covered in holes from his stepfather's fits of anger and his window was broken. Unfortunately he didn't have any heating. Giorno shivered as a breeze blew past, making his already frigid room even colder. As he stood up, he felt his whole body protest against the action. His back felt like it was ready to leap out of his body and his legs shook.

Giorno sighed, choosing to ignore the feelings in his body. He looked up on his calendar to see what day it was.

April 6th? Thank god it's Friday. He briefly looked at the day he had marked in red but quickly looked away.

Not yet...

He sighed, taking a deep breath to clear his mind and walked to the bathroom. At least at school he could actually be warm. Maybe if he's lucky he'll be able to eat some lunch today too if he found any money.

Walking into the bathroom, Giorno kept quiet so he wouldn't wake up his parents. He knew what would happen if he did, and he didn't want to risk it. Silently, he closed the bathroom door and turned on the light.

Since there was only one light in the bathroom, it was relatively hard to see but he didn't mind. He took a washcloth and turned on the shower, making sure it was on the lowest setting and that the water was cold. Sometimes he wished he could use the hot water but he was already privileged enough and asking for more seemed ungrateful of him. He already had enough so he should stop being so selfish, it was useless in the end anyways.

His hair was a curly mess of blonde and absolutely frizzled up after he was done. The cold water always made his hair less manageable and even curler than before and he struggled to comb through it. Eventually he managed to make it look presentable as he put his hair up into his 3 victory rolls, the only creative liberty he had to his appearance. He stared at himself in the mirror to see if anything was out of place but he quickly became distracted.

One look at himself and all he saw was an ugly abomination. He had his mother's face, which wouldn't have been a bad thing if he was remotely good looking or a female. But he wasn't, Giorno was a male and therefore he was hideous. If he had looked normal, maybe the kids outside wouldn't have tormented him as a child. Maybe they would stop saying he was undesirable in every way possible.

His eyes are even worse, they freaked him out and many others. They were the sole reason for his step father's hatred towards him and his mother's neglectfulness. She was probably assumed to have given birth to someone like Haruno. The disgusting blue color they had made him feel awful. No matter how he thought about it, his eyes reminded him of the man in the Polaroid picture, though his eyes were not blue he still felt like he got them from him. A father that probably didn't even know him, a man who probably wouldn't have cared anyways because who likes useless, little Haruno? Yet he still prayed his pathetic song, hoping that the man would come and save him. Begging that the man in his mother's little Polaroid picture actually existed.

Useless thinking.

He shook his head, now was not the time to dwell on that. He quickly wiped his body off and applied a light shade of foundation to hide the bags from under his eyes. When he finished, Giorno returned to his room, feeling worse than he had when he woke up.

He decided today he would wear a pale gray sweater and some jeans. He wished the sweater was a nice baby blue or pink but his stepfatherwould get mad, overtly homosexual things pissed him off (The man was a hypocrite, Giorno thought). His clothes were a little big one him but he was alright with it. They covered his scars and made him look a little more fit and not so skinny so his teacher's wouldn't realize he didn't really eat much. He didn't want them to find out, they would make a big deal out of it and it would make the bullying worse.