Illusion

Prologue

"I don't want to get married and if I say this, it means never, ever!"

My God, this was the statement I was following since I got my senses to know relationships and people.
This statement was like a cement brick in the walls of my mind, never breaking or replaceable.

Ever since I saw my parents living there married life, I was terrified to get married even when I didn't knew how getting married was.

They were my earliest examples, and very terrifying ones also, as for the concept of marriage and everything else.

Well, skipping this part I wasn't living my own life also, apart from there beat to death sort of relationship.
Because, I was so anxious seeing them, that I couldn't even treat myself as a child.

In my earliest years, when other kids were like playing and dancing, I was the one who was called mature. I had seen bad aspect of life at such an early age, so maybe it was in me somewhere, hitting me more each coming day, and bought some silence and fear, alerting my senses, which people termed as maturity.

So, getting older, the sense to know everything was growing in me as well. It was good, because I knew people, I can read them, when most people can't. But don't you think sometimes not knowing can also be good option. Or at least knowing or growing while taking your time. This isn't bad right? But I wasn't allowed anything of that sort.

Life was just going by doing nothing but keeping myself busy in study and art. People would think me as a carefree nerd. But deep inside I wanted to be them. Not that nerdy student no one ever befriends.
No achievements since yet, except for the academics one. A teenager who has done nothing, that other have, not even a simplest thing called enjoying life or smiling or chatting to others.

Apart from all of this, thorugh the optimistic side of me, I am positive that life can more than what I have faced all the time growing old.
Hope was there in me, but for what, that I didn't knew.

I believe life as a fairytale, being designed by the way you live it, which I haven't tried yet. I knew that it doesn't mean you'll be having a wand, getting to roll it and then magic happens. It's just that life can be nicer right?

Well, as I said earlier life is magical but not by a wand, the magic is you. I repeat.. it's you.
YOU ARE MAGIC. That's what my mind had thought in all the tougher times.

I knew somehow that everything happens as a reason on a designated time. We can make it happen if we try.

Until and unless we won't ever get our desires full filled.
We design our own destiny.
So why not go for it.

So let's be magically positive today.
That's what I would tell myself until I reached this year.
When I am about to start my 18th year, and starting college a day after.