Dilemma

Forever

Nostalgia came rushing in during the night,
Heart breaks slowly as I reminisce those days.
Unsure of it but still decided to put up a fight,
Ignoring every risks and what everyone says.

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Chills run down my veins as I see you smile,
Cheeks flushed from the cold and eyes shining.
A love I am willing to run off endless miles,
A thought that it does not need a silver lining.

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Decided to shoot my shot with a lot of courage,
Hoping to make a bond that will last a lifetime.
Make her feel like a queen riding in a carriage,
Or less fancy such as being partners in crime.

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Goofed around and got attached to you,
Silly dreams of a love story that does not exist.
Thought to be the one only to be another fool,
Uncertain of the feeling that I mostly miss.

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Everywhere I go would lead me back to you,
I try to forget but it doesn't get off my mind.
I don't wanna go back to being a dimwit fool,
Memories of before are forever intertwined.

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Lessons are learned but I still cannot let go,
Haven't figured if it's for the best or worst.
Lingering questions as big as the chateau,
Finding the right answer or the main source.

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Numb inside and I just want to feel a thing,
Will I ever get this out of my aching chest?
If only I can cut those few miserable strings,
Maybe things can go back without a mess.

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I do not know if its about the person at all,
Or just the feelings that I want to feel again.
I haven't had a peace of mind since our fall,
Give back the emotions so I can finally regain.

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I do not regret loving but I regret pouring it all,
I am left with nothing but pitch black reaction.
Touch my heart and feel the darkness of coal,
It needs colors away from all the obstruction.

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Gave it all and I have nothing else to give,
Cannot function for a feeling that's missing.
Nothing to feel and I just dont want to live,
Ignoring the reality through a cycle of sleeping.

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I wake up each day hoping for a taste of feeling,
Said it will pass but I just don't know when.
Lay back in bed just to stare the blank ceiling,
Waiting to go back to the way it was back then.

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Nothing happened with the way I wanted,
Can't help but blame myself to let this happen.
Every silence comes a voice that is haunted,
Endless tears that I could have dampen.

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I don't want to go because it will make it worse,
Everything I know should have been forgotten.
I don't want to go I have been here before,
The last place I want to go is inside the coffin.