Before

This is basically the whole story...

He seemed so nice. Only a man with a sick dog, nothing suspicious about that, but there was no dog. He claimed his name was Dan, later I came to doubt it. I never made it to the class that I was heading to. Mom always said that my kindness was my best feature, how ironic, it was merely my demise. "Help me! Please! You have to help me! My dog, he's having a fit! Please help! I dont want him to die! Please!" He seemed hysterical. Now everyone expects me to say that I regret the decision to help him, but I can't. Of course, if I hadn't helped him, I would never have been stuck in that room, but I also wouldn't have my Jack.

Two years, thats how long I was almost alone in that room, only Dan at nights for company. I tried to escape obviously, but Dan, the sadistic, had thought of everything. I tried digging, but there was some sort of wire mesh underground. I tried going up, throught the sky-light, but it was firmly sealed on. I even tried to kill him, but as I was thinking before hand, I realised if he died in the room, I would be trapped, somehow, he knew that too.

A year after i was first trapped in the room, I hit him over the head, as hard as I could, with the lid of the toilet seat, got the old knife (though I suppose back then it  was new...) and held it to his neck. I demanded that he tell me the code for the door, "Seven, Three, Nine, One." I hit him again and he was unconcious. I typed the numbers in slowly, thinking that I was going to get out. The code he told me was wrong (I should have guessed) and Dan woke up. After he left, the power went out and the food stopped coming.

Nine months later, the baby died. My daughter. Dan's daughter. He was pathetic, so she died. I dont want to write anymore about that...

Then Jack was born, my darling Jack, and I had company. I never let Dan anywhere near him, he killed my daughter, I wasnt going to let him kill my son. So Jack was mine and no one else's. I was only twenty-one at the time and had next to no experiance with children. Jack lived in the wardrobe until he was too big, and he still slept in there then, so Dan wouldnt see him when he came at night, but Jack would cry, as babies do, so Dan stopped staying at nights for a while, they were the best nights that I had in that room.

As my Jack grew, he realised that he was the only way that I would ever get out of there. You have to understand that wasnt the reason I had him or anything, i wanted a kid from way before, but it was helpful that he could get us out. I thought about it from when he was born, but I never told him because I knew he would freak out. He was too young to help really anyway.

Jack learned to walk in that room. Then read and write, and finally the world outside of Room. He finally understood, but he refused to believe that there could be anything outside of me, "Old Nick" and Room. I understand, to be told something like that when you have belived the opposite for your whole life, it must have been insane for him.

I asked too much of a five year old, I asked him to be my hero. I shouldnt have, but I did and he did as I told him, it was crazy. He pretended to be dead, he had to keep still for longer than any small boy should have to. I asked too much of him. That was the worst hour of my life, when I had to sit in silence, not knowing whether or not he was safe, waiting. He came, the happiest moment of my life. I cant express how proud of him I am, he is my hero. He saved me from hell. I am going to miss him so much.

We got out of Room, we escaped and we will never have to see Dan again, but escaping, it seems, wasnt the hardest part. Now there are so many cameras, Jack has never even heard of them before, and questions, just because I happened to be the girl who went missing, got locked in a room, had and kid, and was saved. I didnt do anything. I dont deserve this.

Then there were the doctors, checking every single part of us for deseases that we couldnt possibly have. They try to get into my head, they try to understand me, but im not special, im normal and there is nothing wrong with me! They dont understand and they never will. They made me write "my story" but nothing happened in that room, I have lived a very normal life, just in a room.

The outside world scares Jack too much, I cant stand to see him so frightened. It shouldnt have been like this, he shouldnt have grown up in one room, he should have grown up outside, with other children! I used to think that it was Dan's fault, but Dan did offer to take him to an orphanage, I said no, it's my fault...

Mom came round the other day. Sometimes I hate her so much, but this time it was my fault. Dad thought that I was dead, but Mom never completely gave up on me, just enough to have divorce Dad and get some new disaster of a boyfriend, who by the way is such a disaster that the it is so obviously Mom showing Dad that she is over him. Dad had a funeral for me, he refused to look at Jack, he moved to Austrailia, he doesnt care about me, and I dont care about him.

Even Paul has a wife and a kid. Jack and I were supposed to meet them tomorrow, but I cant be bothered. They were fine without me, if I was to suddenly be resurected, it would ruin the lives of everyone who knew me. I will just stay in bed.

Absolutely no one needs me, not even Jack. These days, I can only seem to hurt him, I dont know how to help. In the interview earlier, they asked so many questions about him and how he would be mentally scared or have brain damage, and I realised that, if he did, i had the same damage, if not worse, so I couldnt help him, my poor Jack.

I looked after my little Jack for five years. Made him wash and brush his teeth, made him eat healthily and watch a limited amount of television. I have been alone for to long, alone with Jack, to be able to live in this overcrowded world. So many people, so many words, no silence, ever. I dont understand this modern world anymore than he does.

My dad abandoned me, he presumed me dead. My mom has moved as far to the first creep she met. My brother has a wife and a kid. None of my old friends have come to visit. No one needs me, not even Jack. His life would be better without me, with sane people.

So thats the real reason that I'm writing this. To say sorry, sorry for living my useless life and causing such a fuss, the world would be better without me. Please, I beg of you, find Jack and tell him that I love him, and that im doing the best for him. He will thank me for it one day...

I will do it when Jack is out tomorrow, he doesnt need to see a dead body. Overdose. On the medicine they gave me to help forget. Its pretty strong. I am going to miss my innocent little Jack, but this is best. I have no life out here so I have to go...

Goodbye Jack...